2015-08-19 11.21.50-3Dear Tessa,

I am not sure I can even write this post because I can’t even believe that you are 11 months old. When I tell you that these 11 months have flown by in a blink of an eye I am not even close to exaggerating. Time moves by so fast these days. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that next month you will be one. I do my best not to think about it because your first birthday will be hard for me.

Sometimes I think you are an old soul. You are always thinking and I feel like you believe you have the weight of the world on your shoulders when you do the simplest things. I wish I could see inside your little mind. Maybe thats normal for a little girl. That’s what people tell me, but since my only experience is with a little boy I am learning.

You are walking all over the place now. I’m not going to lie I am not a fan because at any given moment you can fall and bash your head…and you have. You believe you can run, and your mind tells you that you can move faster then your feet will allow. Sometimes I think you believe you are 4 like your brother. I just know you will be my little daredevil. I have to keep a close watch on you. You love doing all your tricks such as giving high five and blowing kisses. You act like you are miss america regularly and just wave and say “hi” to people while you are in your stroller or a shopping cart.

When I come to get you in the morning you hand me your two favorite crib items which are your two “dollys”. You get so excited to see me and to share. You love dolls. You squeeze them, kiss them and then pat them. Dolly is definitely your favorite stuffed animal. I secretly wish it was the pink bunny because it’s sentimental due to the fact that your brother loves his blue bunny, but that’s OK. You get to pick what you love.

You still nurse 4 times a day. Don’t tell your brother because at this point I was weaning him. i’m not going to lie…I’m not ready to be done nursing you. I don’t think you are ready to be done nursing either. You grab at my chest more than ever these days! I honestly love that time for me and you. Since you don’t love to sit and cuddle often this is the time I get you to settle and “just be” with me. I think back every day to the 8-10 times a day I nursed you for so many months. I am always in awe that I am able to provide you your main source of nourishment. How are we almost at the one year mark? Am I allowed to be sad that it’s almost over? Am I crazy?

Food for you is hit or miss. Some days I am like “wow this girl can take down food!”. Then other days you sign “finished” before I even get you your first bite. You still love those squeezy packs and I am so thankful every day for the man or woman who invited them. You love pizza, pancakes, avocado, cheese, french fries and snacks. I think you may be one of those kids who can be occupied while out as long as I keep feeding you. This can be a good thing!

You have a temper which concerns me for the future. If I take something away or if I say “no” you get so mad. You even have grunted and almost bit me! Not cool little one. We will be having some words in the near future because I will not accept that behavior. I know girls can be dramatic…but there is a limit!

I have this instinct to protect you. I feel like others don’t get to see the real you. In pictures and in short visits you may seem serious, but it’s totally not you. All I can say is you are such a great little girl. You smile every day and are a joy to be with. So many of our days are spent going to where your brother needs to be and you just “go with it”. As long as you are in my arms you are happy and that’s just fine with me. Some may say I am creating another Tinkerbell (our dog who is obsessed with me) but that’s OK. There is nothing wrong with feeling safe in my arms. Our days are spent smiling and laughing and your daddy and brother can attest to the fact that you are one happy little girl. Now if you could just smile for some pictures that would be great!

There is so much I want to hold on to and remember about you my little girl. The months are flying by in a blur and I am thankful for these posts so that I can remember as much as I can. If your brother will forever want me to do everything for him, you will be the one who wants to do it all yourself. Sometimes those things are way beyond your skill level….and it’s just fun to watch you try!

I love you baby girl. I can’t believe that my next letter to you will be when you are one years old. It’s just not possible.