We are still…of course…on the house hunt. I wish I could pass on news that we are in contract, but I can’t. The process is very slow, and it is what it is no matter how frustrating. Even though we can’t make any real moves on a house until we are in contract, we are still actively searching. I thought that I have figured out which town I wanted to live in, but my mind keeps drifting to the feeling that I am settling. Why don’t I get the big house? I found a great house in a not so great town and spoke to my realtor hoping she’d tell me it was OK…instead she told me that buying that house would be like wearing a fake diamond ring. It may look pretty on the outside, but overall it’s not right. Who knew?

I should’ve been prepared for this knowing the area I live in, but it’s frustrating. I decided to branch out my search to other towns (which I won’t mention just in case I offend anyone…) and found a house that felt like home the moment I walked into it. It was perfect! What wasn’t perfect was the town it was in. I have been doing my best to rationalize why it would be OK to move there, and I just can’t. The only thing I came up with is buying it knowing our kids would have to go to private school. It’s not horrible, but how do you buy a house like that in the suburbs. I mean the taxes are still high!

Then the argument comes up…why not move after 7 years or so. The answer? We might move after 7 years, but how do we buy a house KNOWING that we HAVE to move? We already live in our starter house. I feel like my next home needs to feel like that…a home…not a “for now” house like this one. Plus, if I put all that time and effort into building a life in that town…will I really want to leave it?

It seems here in Long Island there is a direct correlation between good towns and very high prices. I hate to be drinking the Long Island Koolaid where people believe it’s OK to pay 500K for a fixer upper just because they feel they are in the “right district”. Isn’t there a happy medium with an OK district? Not really. Long Island is filled with have and have not’s. It seems there really is no choice but to drink said Koolaid??

I can’t believe at this point in my life I am forced to think so far ahead. Can’t I be selfish now and buy that big house? Go for the fake diamond? Maybe everything will get better over the next 7 years? Or maybe I just need to grow up, suck it up and accept that to live on Long Island I am for now destined to pay a large sum of money for a nice “quaint” (read small) home that is still tremendously dated. I also should be like everyone else who lives here and be thankful for the privilege to raise my family here…the problem??? I don’t feel that way.

I’ve been through the pro’s and con’s of where to live. To get my big house (Not the fake diamond house) I have to give my husband a long commute to work. I don’t want that and neither does he. A big house isn’t worth not having him be there as much as he wants for his son. As a matter of fact I am so happy and blessed that he wants to do so much for him and me, and that his job allows him to be.

Until we sign the papers on a new house I will admit that I probably will still think about the fake diamond house. I probably will drive myself crazy thinking about how much more I could get if we moved away from here. I think I will always resent this place, and I am upset because I thought I had come to accept it. I guess buying a home brought up all those old feelings of hatred for here. I am sure it will pass again….I was actually happy these past 5 years of living here. Let’s hope I get there again…