There is a place where women go to sing songs and play with their kids. A place where women do bake sales, and drive car pools. It’s a place of envy, jealousy, and most of all jealousy. I am new to this land, and have only just dipped my big toe into it’s vastness. I think I am going to learn pretty quickly how the land I will call mommy land works. I mean how can you not learn fast…it’s pretty much high school! I thought when I grew up I would outgrow the cliques, but I have a pretty good feeling they exist well into adulthood. This mommy land is a jungle, and I am just getting started.
Today I started a new Gymboree class. I started last October and loved it. I didn’t make any great connections, but I still found the once a week interaction enjoyable. Now, a new semester has started, and I was shocked to see what it was all about. I encountered the snobbiest (also known as JAPS here on Long Island) women EVER! If I had to hear one more time about her sons Diesel hat that was lost I was going to shoot myself. There was a group of 5 women who had no interest in even looking at the other 10 women. They knew each other and that was enough for them. I had a grand time watching the dynamic of the class. There were about 15 mom’s so 10 were open to talking. The rest…no thank you! What BITCHES!
It makes sense. Why wouldn’t there be cliques in Mommy Land? Someday your child will to school and that’s where the judgment and jealousy begins. I can imagine the battle between the SAHM vs. The Working mom begins around then. That’s where the judgment part happens. Jealousy? Well I know here in Long Island if you don’t have the right bag then you are left behind in the dust. What will happen when my son doesn’t get the best designer jeans? What happens when I don’t? In Mommy Land you get the dirty looks and you find yourself feeling the Envy. “oh I wish THOSE women would talk to me!” Well not this mommy! I’m going to try to hold strong because I am not like that. It is one of the biggest things I hate about living here on Long Island.
Please dear readers. Remind me that I don’t want any of those women to talk to me, and also remind me NOT to be one of those women when I get fully involved in the school years. I think Gymboree is only the beginning! I think if I am aware of the ways of this land I will be able to maneuver myself through it better. Welcome to Mommy Land Jen….it’s going to be a wild ride!
What do you think of Mommy Cliques. Are you a part of one?
This comment ended up long winded. Didn’t realize it until I wrote it out. I’m not judging how you feel or your use of words. If it comes across that way, that isn’t my intent.
I think cliques are inevitable. Seems like people, women especially, like to keep people very much like themselves right by them. It can be bad, it can be good.
Sometimes it is just a sisterhood and then other times it becomes this exclusive club full of snark.It is easy to blur the lines. Like with sororities in college. Women within the sorority rarely see themselves as part of a clique ostracizing others, putting themselves above others (how people tend to label them. I don’t agree.), they are a sisterhood. Yet people who are not part of the group? See it as all negativity. I try to see the individual rather than the group whenever I can. Or else I would’ve hated 90% of my college based on some misunderstanding or stereotype.
Cliques exist everywhere. I noticed it outside in the real world, Mommyland and even online w/bloggers. People seem to feel the need to label oneself in order to belong or label others. Often times those who are part of cliques are oblivious to it until it is pointed out to them. Even then some are incredulous and refuse to believe it.
I’ve taken to mostly just ignoring their existence when I see them. If people are going to be nasty and bitchy because they’re all together? Then I just take note of who they are and keep my distance.
Every so often during my PTA duties or with dance or birthday parties I’ll have to be in a position where I have to socialize with these moms. I tend to take them as face value, smile and move on.
I’ve tried to break the cycle for myself. I make an effort to no longer use the term JAP, same goes with ‘ghetto’ on the other end of the spectrum. Having a daughter growing up in this town? I don’t want my daughter calling her classmates jappy anymore than I’d want her calling someone ghetto.
Leah’s teacher called me out on it one day when I said something about Jappy moms at dinner one night. Leah’s teacher hates it. She is by all appearances the stereotypical JAP. She is Jewish, born and raised here. She dresses very well, loves fashion, always has her make-up and hair done. She drives a nice car, lives in a nice house, is a regular at the Americana…but she isn’t a JAP. Not in the “I’m so full of myself, all I care about is stuff” way.
When she pointed out the latter to me it did occur me to that in many cases I’ve sort of boxed women I know into these labels and rarely see them outside of the box.
Do cliques form because women feel a need to belong or is it because society forces them into boxes of what they should/shouldn’t be? I don’t know. I suspect it’s a bit of everything.
I’m an outlier. I figured out back in high school after years of crying my eyes out that there is no clique for me to be a part of and that is okay. In many ways I feel its better that way. Who wants that pressure of being just like everyone else on them?
Even in Mommyland, I find an AP, breastfeeding, crunchymama group to hang out with and they feel I’m too ‘mainstream’, find a super yuppie mainstream group? I’m too much granola, not enough glitter & glam.
I was scared, anxious and completely at a loss when Leah started school. I wanted to help out, I wanted to be an active parent in her school but what about ‘those’ women?! It wasn’t easy but I pushed through all the b.s. Are there still moments when I’m sitting in a PTA Exec. Board meeting where I have a *facepalm* moment when a mom starts to complain about how her new Limited Edition Escalade needs to have its rims polished and she acts like it is the worst thing ever? Yes. I’m not going to lie. But it isn’t as big a deal as I was thought it was.
At the end of the day, those cliqueish women are ones losing out on getting to know a great woman like you Jen with an awesome little boy.
I gotta say your entire comment makes PERFECT sense. I was one of those sorority girls, and I can truly see how cliquey it was. I always felt left out in high school, but since college I have always felt like I fit in. Maybe I was that horrible cliquey girl. I probably was! I just never felt like it, and now I am entering uncharted territory where I don’t see/encounter the same people I have for the past 10 years. I guess it’s scary. Kind of like starting over…
I can’t imagine you were ever a mean girl. And I think that is what it boils down to. Some of these women are just mean.
Hey! I remember those days! I used to feel the same way. I was never a cliquey person. In high school I was friends with many different groups of people. In college… same thing! And now in mommy land….. same thing. It’s so funny that you bring this up. My girlfriend and I were talking about this the other night. We were going to start a wine club but were having difficulty deciding who to invite. Would this one get along with this one? You know the deal. If it was up to me… I would invite everyone! Unfortunately, not all people think like that. I love everyone and talk to anyone…. my friend on the other hand says, I have my close friends I don’t need anymore. This is probably what your gymboree clique feels. I remember the same type of bitches at mygym. It’s just what we get for living in long island…. although I can’t swear that we wouldn’t get this in other places. When it comes down to it…. some women are just bitchy! So remember steer clear…. you will for sure find other moms in mommy land like you!
Very right…I like talking to everyone. Why not!? I guess alot of people believe they don’t need more friends…but being nice doesn’t necessarily mean being friends. I am sure I will find my own group of ” SAH mommy friends”. Just takes time.
I”m so so thankful that, for the most part, we don’t have that here in Maui! Yes you have a few but they are THE FEW so we out number them ?
Hold your head up high and kill them with a smile ?
Well that sounds pretty great! I think killing with a smile will be the BEST course of action!
The mommy cliques are REALLY there, you are not imagining it.
Sad thing is? I am so desperate for “mommy friends” that I am trying so hard to fit in to any of them.
I knew I wasn’t crazy lol If I am being honest with myself I too find myself desperate for mommy friends. I have a bunch but they all work, so I need to find some to be with during the week. A very tricky situation this making new friends!
Just so you know, JAP is a bit offensive to all Jewish people. I was surprised you used the term.
I can see where you’d say that…but where I am the term is used to describe a snobby materialistic person no matter what their nationality. That’s how I meant it. Sorry if I offended.
A friend of mine had a horrible experience with a mommy clique and it made her feel terrible, even though there were other moms around that were friendly. I know those women, and they are not snobby or materialistic, just very exclusive.