I was walking through Target the other day with the little man in two, and as I looked around me I saw many moms and dads in the same boat as me. What boat is that? The one where my son is running around pointing at every item in the isles saying “buy this..buy this…buy this!” As much as I hate the fact that he just assumes he deserves a toy, AND that I will in fact buy him one….I LOVE seeing the look of excitement on his face when he sees toys he wants. And now, when he says “buy this” I calmly say.. “well, we will have to add it to the list for Santa!”. And you know what? IT WORKS! That answer works for him right now, and as I saw the other moms rolling their eyes in the same manner I was as their kids also ran around with greed in their eyes I said to them “What will I do after Christmas? It’s the only defense I have!” We all laughed as only mom’s in the same position could, but we all knew it was true. What happens after Christmas!?
Before you tell me that what I should do is JUST SAY NO I must stop you. I know that. Of course I say no. If my son didn’t learn the word no then I would never be able to enter a store. But what I also know is that as a SAHM my sanity is based on how well my little errands go and if a small toy from the dollar bin gets us through Target then it’s worth it.
For now, the idea that Santa could bring him a specific toy, or that he may get it for his birthday is enough to settle him (most of the time). He loves to show me what he wants in magazines and toy isles and all I have to do is nod and say “yes, lets add that to the list for Santa”, and he smiles and moves on. Normally he moves on to point out 50 more toys to which I respond the same way, but at least there is no tantrum. There isn’t even an constant “mommy I NEED it” chant that sometimes can come from the cart….no….we move on….and it’s great.
But what comes next? My son’s birthday and Christmas are so close together I have nothing else? The only thing I have is a NO and let’s be honest…it doesn’t always go over very well. Is there another mommy trick that I just don’t know about? Am I allowed to start talking Easter right after Christmas? Yes? No?
So I will continue to pass knowing looks at other moms in the stores going through the same thing. You aren’t alone ladies…I promise you. And your kids aren’t brats because they want a toy…oh no….they are just being kids, and if you ask me believing in the magic of presents and Santa is fun, and I have been waiting a long time to share in the magic with my son, but I am also preparing for the post holiday hangover. I have a feeling it will come quick, and I have a feeling there isn’t much that will make it better.
I also have both my kid’s birthdays around the holidays so they get swamped with toys, but by June they are looking for something new that costs a good amount of money (not the dollar section) ?
What I do is save gift cards that they get as gifts for their birthdays and holidays so when they do want something in the spring and summer I can do it without feeling bad about my budget and telling them No all of the time. I also pretty much always get them something from the dollar section for all the times in between and agree that it’s well worth it to make the shopping trip easier.
smart! It will make me feel less guilty for buying it for him then!!
hey jen – i don’t know if it would work for your boy, but mine are often happy if i let them choose a toy to play with in the cart while we are in the store, then we put it back before leaving. they know they won’t be taking it home with them, but it keeps them entertained while i look around and if they get bored, we just trade it out for another. it’s a good way of dodging “no” and repeated requests for other toys because they are distracted with the one in their hands.
I used to do that when he was younger and it worked great…then he began to realize that it wasn’t there at check out. Maybe i can try it again now that he can understand better. It’s worth a shot!
I don’t ‘do Santa’ so I can’t even go with the whole “Ask Santa” tool (I leave that for the hubby to do). I did start giving the kids an allowance around preschool age. It isn’t much but enough for them to save up or spend as they wish. At first they don’t get it-at all.
But with time after a few outings to the store it becomes helpful. At the grocery store they purchase their own special snack/treat. In stores a toy. You can talk about what things cost, how much money they have saved up, how long it will take to save it again after they spend it. Surprisingly even 3-4 year olds will start to hoard their money and spend less. Meanwhile, I try to avoid the toy section when I can (not easy when toys are EVERYWHERE) and if I can’t we play with the toys while in the store, always with the reminder that once we are done they go back on the shelf. We have crying and tantrums but over time it has gotten better. The routine sets in. I’ve taken to keeping some distractions in my bag when we go to the store for them to play with. For the tot it’s a slinky or manipulative of some sort because he will sit with those and for the preschooler it’s a small sticker book and paper. Some cars and action figures. The other day I had bubble wrap from a package and they played with that for a while. There’s no one thing I’ve found that always works. Always experimenting. Always finding that last bit of patience.
allowance is a great idea…I am not sure he’d get it yet but definitely something to think about. definitely all a trial and error thing!!!