Last week was my 36th birthday. It wasn’t a milestone birthday, and nothing fantastic happened, but when I sat back and thought about it I was kind of floored to hear the age 36. I’m not one to care about age. I have been fine hitting every age thus far, but when I thought about the fact that I am now closer to 40 then I am 30 I had to pause and think about it….and when I did I felt old.

Most of the time I am still amazed that I am a mother and responsible for 2 children every day. I mean every day I wake up and my life is spent with/for them. I still think I’m young…I still KNOW that I need my mom and dad all the time….and recently I have begun to realize that to my children and many other youngsters I’m not cool, and I’m just an older mom. I had to laugh the other day when a group of high schoolers were at the beach with the words “PROM” spelled out on their stomachs. They asked me to take a picture, and I found myself trying to chat with them because hey…I’m cool. It was then that I asked them “why do you have the word PROM on your TUMMIES” !!???? Yes I used the word tummy. I don’t think any person can be cool and use the word tummy. I just branded myself a mom right then and there…that is if me trying to get my 2 children off the beach and into the car wasn’t enough of a clue. They nicely answered, but I got into the car and Captain Awesome reminded of me of how old they really thought I was. I’m not gonna lie…it hurt.

I have been having memories of my parents and of my childhood and I find myself asking my mom how old she was during that memory. Many times it’s younger than I am today, and all I can think about is how old I felt her to be at the time. Now, that’s me. When did that happen?

It was six years ago that I was turning 30 waiting for our first born son. SIX YEARS! On my birthday I was reading old posts I wrote and I had one which was an ode to my 20’s and it’s funny to read how different my 20’s were to my 30’s thus far. Even funnier, I wouldn’t go back for a second. Not to my 20’s….college? That’s another story! But in my 30’s I have become everything I have every wanted….a mom.

Although I am living the life I have always wanted I am still left in shock and awe that I am now closer to 40 then I am 30. It doesn’t mean much during my day to day, but there are times…like when my tennis coach tells me he was born in 1996 (2 years before I graduated high school) that I am confused on where the years have gone. Am I really that old? Is it old? Or is the vision of a mom of 36 that I have of my mom just seen through eyes of a child and not the truth. I’m going with the latter.