I follow this blog called The Hollywood Housewife, and recently she reposted a post called Mommy Style Goals. This particular post really caught my eye, because it was written before her daughter was born, and she listed some goals for herself for after the baby was born. The main goal was that she didn’t totally lose herself once she became a mother. I am sure this is something that a lot of women think about once they find out a child is on the way. Funny thing is that I really haven’t thought about this much. I have always wanted to be a mom, and all that it entails…but by taking all that on are you destined to lose alot of who you were pre baby? My priorities have shifted so much since Christian was born that things I found important before don’t seem so important, and even things I THOUGHT I would find important are not….so is it losing yourself if you aren’t upset that it’s gone?
TV and talk shows always joke about getting stuck in the “mom rut” when it comes to fashion. I can totally see how that can happen. I admit fully to falling victim to the sweat pants. How could you not? I spend my days on the floor and the couch with my son, and when I am not playing with him I am doing housework, or doing work work on my computer. None of that calls for a fashionable outfit. Who am I getting dressed for? Myself? No need! The truth is that I didn’t get fully dressed every day even before the baby. Why dirty an outfit if no one is going to see it? I will admit that it’s important to look good for The Captain…sometimes. But does it have to be every day?
Another dilemma with looking good is the fact that I don’t totally fit back into all of my pre pregnancy clothes. Yes, I have lost alot of the baby weight but that doesn’t mean that I fit into my clothes. Don’t tell anyone but I still wear some of my maternity pants. Why would I give that up? It’s like wearing sweatpants every day without the actual “look” of sweatpants! And how can I be fashionable when I no longer fit into most of my shoes? My feet grew during pregnancy, and they didn’t go back! Now what?
I had no real hobbies before the baby, so I haven’t lost any of that. If losing yourself means that I have trouble talking about things other than my baby then I guess that means I’m lost, because I am totally that mom right now. Can I still hold an adult conversation? Sure…but most of the time I don’t want to. Does that make me a bad person? My whole life is my son at this point, so I don’t have much else to offer in the conversation department. People talk about what they know right? I hope my friends don’t find that annoying about me…hey friends…am I annoying these days?
Do I miss my party days? Sure, sometimes but I wouldn’t trade anything to get that back. And I certainly know that getting bombed on apple martinis isn’t in my near future. How could it? I have to take care of my little man, and I have a feeling doing that with a nasty hangover is near impossible. If not impossible than certainly not desirable.
So my question for you dear readers is this. Do you feel that you lost yourself once you became a mother? If you aren’t a mother do you feel that women get lost? Is it getting lost if you are happy with how your life is going? Ok….discuss….
I am not a mother yet. My input…I’d say it’s possible for some people to get “lost” in parenting perhaps. I think that it depends on the balance in your life. If you can still maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse (which is obviously vital) and with your friends, I think you haven’t lost yourself. I have known quite a few people whose marriages have fallen apart after their children are grown and leave home. I wonder if this sometimes is simply because they have become so consumed in raising their children and they didn’t make time for each other?
I’m 29 weeks pregnant and sort of worry about this — more of the identity than the fashion. I think having a new baby makes it impossible to have much “me” time — and if you did, I think you’d rather be with the baby. When I see moms of 2, 3, 10 yr. olds living for their kid(s), I don’t think that is healthy. I see that a lot with some friends and family and think that those gals sacrifice a lot and I don’t know if they feel content. I don’t know what the alternative is but I think maintaining some sense of self and having a hobby/passion that is outside of family can be rewarding. We’ll see how I feel about this next year (it’s so easy to judge until you are that person)!
Being a mother helped me find a better idea of who I am and who I want to be in life. Most of my life revolves around my children and I believe that is how it should be (for myself). I brought them into this world, I chose to give them life so now I feel like it is my utmost responsibility to support them, love them and encourage them. To help them develop the skills and tools they need to be the person they want to be when they are grown. The latter is a tall order for any person so I try not to get too upset when I realize that I haven’t bought myself a new outfit in a few months or that I let my roots get a bit longer than I’d like.
As for interests? I still have the same interests I had pre-parenthood. Though I don’t do as much as I used but I am okay with that.
I’ve noticed that I’ve become more passionate about parenting/mothering related things now that I have children. Before I didn’t have a framework for what I truly feel strongly about and now I do.
I try to carve out some time for myself during the week to do something for me. Whether its a bath or read a book or have a cup of coffee by myself. I don’t feel I need more than that right now. As my children grow older and they are out of the house more I’ll have more time to focus on me. For now? I am happy to be all about them. Im okay with living for them. If I don’t do it, then who else will?
Not a mother yet, but definitely have spent much much much time with babies from birth onward into teen years. Been there for everything important. Here’s my take, you don’t lose yourself…you find a new part of yourself. And with the things you can’t do again just yet, you will eventually, so they’re not technically lost. It’s all just a new and wonderful part of you!