human body

When I decided to go to the fertility specialist I kind of hoped my body would be scared into getting pregnant right away on it’s own. Kind of like “sorry Jen! Don’t get all that testing, I got this!”. But my body did not. We had another month that was a bust. I’m bummed. Month 6 is down the tubes. Damn it! I guess it makes me feel even better about my decision to take it to the next level. But what sucks the most sometimes is how my body feels/felt each month before stupid AF arrived. It’s just mean and a total mind F#&K. The human body can just be brutal!

Each of the last 6 months I have felt different during my 2 week wait. The funny thing is that I can’t ACTUALLY remember what it felt like during the 2ww when I was pregnant, so I think I just make things up in my head to make myself BELIEVE that I may be pregnant.

I guess it’s like the placebo effect. One month I thought I felt the little tugging cramps low in my abdomen. Another month I could swear that I was nauseous. Another? I was EXHAUSTED! Then there were the months that I felt nothing at all. Those were the ones that I really thought I was pregnant. If I couldn’t remember how I felt in the 2ww when I was pregnant maybe there were no symptoms!? Wrong!

At this point I am just happy that this last 2 week wait is over. This is the time I allow myself to wallow for a day and then move on. Life is good. I just hope my body and mind can just work together for once to just settle. I wonder what it will cook up for me next month?