I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I have been blessed with a very good baby. Of course he has his good days and bad days, but overall he has a good disposition, and is a happy boy. Although most of the time this is wonderful, I have to admit that sometimes it poses a bit of a problem. The problem is that I think we expect too much out of the little guy. Myself, The Captain, and family and friends all forget that he’s only 4 months old. Like everything else in life…every cause has an effect…and usually the one that is effected the most is me…
I do my best to not be so stuck in a “schedule” that I become inflexible, but I have to admit that it’s difficult. I never understood women who were so set on their kid’s bed time, and I never understood why they seemed so rigid in their schedules…that is until now. Now I realize that babies like schedules. They are happier, and more content when their parents keep them to one. And when things change up..they get upset, and when they get upset..it is left for mommy to deal with it.
I sometimes think that family, friends and The Captain forget that life has to change now that a baby is here. Babies are not meant to be in nice restaurants, and at this point, Christian isn’t really meant to be in many restaurants at all. Especially not at dinner time. I too forgot for a little while because our little man just slept while at the restaurants, but now that he is more alert, the more he wants to be a part of the conversation. He certainly doesn’t want to be in his carrier, and that means it’s left up to mom to hold him and make sure he is occupied. To be honest that is not fun for me at all. Yes, Captain Awesome and others offer to hold him..but that doesn’t mean I get to relax. On the contrary. I worry even more because let’s be honest…I can probably calm him down better than anyone else. And just because he isn’t in my arms doesn’t mean I am not on edge if he cries. All that equals no fun for mom…
When my mom was here visiting we went on a marathon shopping day with the little man. We had the best time, but we were out all day. That meant naps in the carrier and a bottle instead of the breast. Bottom line..just different for Christian. What happened at bed time that day? A disaster. The poor guy was over tired, and cried. It certainly made for a hectic bed time for both me and him.
So how as a mom do I minimize the cause and effect that happens with changes in schedules, but not create a child that can’t stray from his schedule at all? How do I balance what I think is right vs. what The Captain wants? How do I make others realize that I need to think of the baby first before them, with out them thinking me to be crazy? How do you decide?
This is what worked for me and while it isn’t what will be best for you or another mother I did find it helped a bit with the babies and our outings. Though some babies just don’t do well outside of their routines just as some adults.
I ditched bottles for our outings (about 90% of them) because I found my babies were more comfortable and were more likely to nap closer to the schedules if nursed them while out versus getting a bottle. Clearly this isn’t the same for every child.
I have zero qualms about nursing in public anymore but it wasn’t always that way. I tried to find places to nurse quietly and I became pretty proficient with my nursing tops & receiving blankets.
It was more like ‘being at home’ for them. I wore them more and they spent less time in their car seat/stroller and I found that helped with the over-stimulation they sometimes felt while we were out. It also had an almost instant calming affect on them while out.
As for family, friends and everyone else who refused to understand that the baby was going to be a horror to deal with at night? I just politely declined their invitations or asked them to schedule them for another time. They want to do dinner? I would suggest an early brunch or late breakfast or whatever fit better into our day.
Sometimes those around us need some reminders of what is best for your baby and that you do know best. You aren’t crazy and we’ve all been there.
I have been trying to nurse more while out vs. the bottle. I found myself nursing in a parking garage, and even on the streets of manhattan recently. lol I def want to continue to work on that.
I love the idea of baby wearing. I actually made my first attempt in public at the mall…he kind of fussed b/c he didn’t like facing inwards, but I am excited to try it more now that the weather is turning.
I like the idea of brunch and lunch and stuff for get togethers. Dinner is just not good for me anymore..so I plan on trying to push that. It’s just so hard!
In the end I think you have to do whatever you feel is best and other people around will just need to fall in line. This has been your advice for me in the past ?
Ok, I just had my 3rd child and I think schedules are the best thing ever! But, also, I can tell you that once the child gets older, it gets much easier. You can relax on the schedule once they are old enough. The rigidness doesn’t last. But, for right now, it is what you need. You won’t get “stuck” in it. You will get to a point where if you are out all day and they nap in the car, all is still fine. You won’t have an overly tired baby making bedtime routines hard.
Right now, if you like the schedule, you have to lay down the law. This is your job. I tell my husband that I do this everyday, all day. I don’t tell him how to do his job and he needs to trust I know how to do mine and follow my lead. We leave early in the day so we are back for lunch and naps. We do the same when we are out of town. We keep things as normal as possible.
Just keep doing what makes you comfortable and you will be out of what my friend lovingly calls “baby jail” (the time that schedules must be adhered) and things will loosen up. ?
I love your reference to it being my job. It’s so true. I’m the one home with the little one every day..I know how to do my job. I will have to use that one! And you are right…I need a schedule as much as my baby does. It makes me feel better..and if momma’s happy then everything else is ok..lol
I’m a new follower, and Husband and I are actually a few months away from starting to “try”, but I’ve already been worried about this very issue. We’re hoping to add a little one to our family before our 5 year anniversary and the other day I suggested to Husband that we could take a family friendly vacation on that anniversary. He asked if it could just be he and I on the trip (even though I hope to be breastfeeding at that time) and it made me feel like he has no idea of the changes to come. My plan is to just keep talking to him about what I’m thinking- and then trust that he’s listening. Mama’s are mamas from the moment they’re pregnant, but a man usually doesn’t become a father until the baby is actually here, so he may need additional time to adjust.
As for people thinking you’re crazy for choosing what’s best for your child over what’s best for them… if they really think that, then THEY are the crazy ones. Your first priority is to your family, and you and your husband get to make those decisions- no one else.
Thank you for following! Good luck on the TTC front! I certainly know a lot about that (if you read back on my previous posts about TTC you will see lol)
But you are right..a woman is a mom right away and a dad takes time. Don’t get frustrated when talking to your husband. I was worried too that DH wouldn’t “get it” but once the baby was here he did great. Their world doesn’t change as much as a woman’s does..but they learn pretty quickly.