keep calm

I nursed my son for a year. My memories of breastfeeding are fond ones. I made it that long because I liked it, and it was such a special time I wouldn’t trade for the world. Now, with a newborn I am reminded of the hard days. When I am nursing ALL day long (or so it feels like it) I have flash backs to the early days with my boy. It helps to remember that it was hard then too. It helps to remember that I made it through those hard days, and onto many more pleasant ones. When I get frustrated I am happy to have a voice in my head reminding me that it WILL get easier. It helps to remember that the days may seem long but it all goes by so fast. That is what will keep me going.

As a nursing mom pretty much all the feedings are my responsibility. I am a true advocate of being an on demand feeder and that means I am on call to my daughter 24/7. Some days she is kind and doesn’t demand too much and other days I feel like she is constantly at my breast. Night time can be rough. People ask why The Captain doesn’t take over some feedings, but in reality there is no point. If I don’t feed I have to pump which sucks…so why bother?

The other night was rough with a feeding every 2 hours. That meant about 30-40 minutes of the feeding/diaper change process. Another 10-20 minutes to get back to sleep…then an hour or so of sleep before my princess beckons me again. That tends to mess with a girls REM sleep huh? So I am tired.

And you know what else isn’t fair? The fact that I can’t down multiple cups of coffee to get me through the day. I feel like I am cheating by just having ONE! But one just isn’t enough. Not when you have to function all day, and to function all day with an almost four year old who needs your attention all day. It’s just mean I tell you…mean.

But, I do still cherish it all. I grumble and curse when I have to get up, but then I get to my glider with my little girl in my arms in the middle of the night and I smile. I will never get this time back. No one else can provide her what I can. I get to hold her close so many times a day while I nurse. We get to cuddle and I love it.

The first time around I set small goes for myself. 3 weeks…then 3 months then six. I do the same thing time around, but I plan on making it again. I have mental pep talks daily. “IT IS WORTH IT!” I tell myself. It will get easier, and I will be better off for sticking with it. So when I complain..or when you see me exhausted please remind me. Time goes by fast, and you will Never get this time back.