3rd b day

I guess the title of this post is a little wrong. Turning three doesn’t seem to be hard on him, but watching him turn 3 is extremely hard on me…his mommy. I think I am in total disbelief that I have a three year old. When did that happen? You may laugh but I find myself tearing up regularly when I think about it. Even when I look into his adorable face smiling back at me I think “oh my goodness is he big”. Where is my baby, and when did this little boy take his place?

We all have an idea of what our life will be like by a certain time. If I could plan everything I would have 3 kids all three years apart…just like my family. But my son is now three and as of yet there is no other child, or even one in the near future. That’s hard. So many of my friends with kids the same age are preoccupied with other little ones. As their 3 year olds start to do things on their own, they have another one there to take up their time. Me? Not really…I just have my own things to take up my time.

People tell me to enjoy it…and I do…but it isn’t what I want. And now that I have a little more freedom and am looking to maybe be out and have a little fun I have no one to join me. What’s the fun in that?

I had a heck of a time when the little man turned one. That time represented the end of nursing for me and the end of the time that my son needed me for nourishment. I knew then that our nights of rocking him in my arms in our glider would soon come to an end. Year 2 was easy. I had the hope of becoming pregnant with no stress and still was thinking things MAY go as planned. Of course they didn’t….but still…I was OK with him turning 2. But not 3.

Three represents so many things for me, and not just an age. Three means more independence. Three means mommy and me classes are just about over. Three means preschool. Three means playing alone. It means so much change. It means he’s not a baby.

But whether I like it or not my son is three. For him this year will be great. Everything is a big adventure for him, and I will focus on going along for this amazing ride with him. I will teach him and keep my suffocating mother instincts to myself and allow him to become as independent as he wants. If pre school is any indication I think I am doing a good job because he took to that very well.

Who knows what this year will bring for me…but as always it’s not about me. I will focus on making this year as amazing as the other ones have been for my favorite little man….so lets see what this year has in store!