In our lives we live through good dreams and bad dreams. We hope that most of our days will be filled with good days but sometimes we don’t have a say. One dream like event for me was my wedding. It was all I could’ve ever dreamed of. It all fit to my vision…it was perfect. Now, when I look back on that day it’s all a little fuzzy, and it seems that perfect day was just a figment of my imagination. I mean how could a person have that much happiness all put into one day? On the nightmare end of the spectrum is my miscarriage. 6 months later, I feel like it wasn’t actually me that went through it….sometimes it all just feels like a bad dream.
On one of the chat boards I frequent there was a girl who announced she was pregnant. I was so happy for her, but the news led me to think about the wonderful day that I looked at my pregnancy test and saw the words YES. Until you see those words you have no idea that you could have so many different feelings all at one time. But was it really me that this happened to? Was I ever REALLY pregnant?
We all know what the nightmare side of it was….the loss. The shattering of dreams. As much as the memory of the YES is a wonderful dream….the news that “it isn’t a viable pregnancy” was way on the opposite end. But as time goes on…it feels more and more like it was all just a nightmare…that there was no Good out of any of it. Can you believe it’s been about 4 months since it all ended? Time keeps moving forward, and like everything else from our past we learn to heal. And that is what I am doing…healing. It’s amazing how happy I am with every other aspect of my life. It’s easy to be thankful for all of that. And you know what??? I am truly thankful.
I am actually happy for the dream like nature of these memories. I can still keep reminding myself that they actually happened…but that also means that I am slowly moving on. Moving on to the joys that are to come, and the happiness that is my life.
Here’s to the dreams (and nightmares) that life is made of…lets hope for all of our sakes there are more dreams than nightmares…
And as a side note…as I was writing this..all I could think about was this song from the movie Clue. So I wanted to share!
It took me a long time to reconcile many of the feelings I had after my first miscarriage. Sometimes (even though I know I am blessed to have two healthy kids) I still get upset looking back on it.
Your dreams will come true. I hope that in the journey to seeing those dreams realized you heal and find some peace.
Awesome Post Dear! I’m always dreaming….some good, some bad, some that make me believe I’m kinda psychic:) Hehe
I know how you feel in this area! I lost mine a couple of weeks before I was due. It still feels like it was a dream and what I kept saying was your joking, right?