I find it amazing how many emotions I am capable of feeling at one time. Although I am sure it’s all part of the pregnancy process, I sometimes find it all overwhelming. At the same time I am feeling excitement, joy and wonderment…I am also feeling disbelief and fear. What did I expect? The Captain and I are about to start a new HUGE adventure. The time has almost come for me to get my biggest dream in the world…to become a mom. But with that dream comes the fears that anyone might feel when their dreams are about to come true….am I ready for it?
I have stated this many times in the past but I will say it again. I have always felt I was destined to be a mom. In my mind my dream job was/is to be a stay at home mom, be able to raise my kids as I choose, and be there with them day by day just as my mom was with me. But now…as I am closer to that dream I worry that it may not be all it’s cracked up to be! What if I don’t like it? What if I am not good at it? Trust me…I don’t think that being a mom is a walk in the park…on the contrary. I know it’s probably one of the hardest jobs in the world….but what if I don’t love it like I think I will? That scares me to death!
What if I’m not good at it? I truly want to try not to be a psychotic mom. I really truly do….but what happens if I don’t have the right instincts to know what to do? When I say I really have no clue about babies..I mean I REALLY have no clue. I haven’t changed a diaper since I was about 14…I’ve never bathed a baby, rocked a baby to sleep, or even dressed a baby. Now…30 days from now (give or take) they are going to let me walk out of that hospital with a tiny little being totally dependent on me and The Captain?? What if I stink!?
I’m scared of all the different advice out there. How do I know who to listen to? There’s the parents advice, the friends advice, the doctor’s advice and then I’m sure there is your own instinct. Who wins? They say go with your gut…but what if my gut is wrong? How do you filter through? Each mom has a different experience, and each child is different. What works for one may not work for the other….so what do to? Trial and error? Hope for the best?
Motherhood comes with so many choices. Each choice has it’s own consequence, and you have no idea if that consequence is good or bad till way after a decision has already been made. That is one scary thought. Don’t get me wrong, I am truly excited about what is ahead….there isn’t anything in this world I want more, but the unknown sure is pretty darn scary.
Were you scared before your baby was born? What were some fears that you felt?