ticking time bomb

As of 3:33 today I will officially be more pregnant than I ever was with my son. That’s right, as of 38 weeks 1 day my son was born and I got the joy of meeting him 2 weeks early. It was a wonderful surprise. Now, at 38 weeks 1 day I am still waiting for our little princess to arrive. Ok, you can join my doctor in reminding me that previous pregnancies have no real bearing on how soon I will deliver with this one, but I’m not going to lie. It’s hard not to! Basically I feel like it could happen any time now and I feel like a bomb just waiting to explode. One that has no idea of the damage it could do, or what the fall out will be. So I wait….

I will be the biggest joke ever when you find me getting induced at 41 weeks. I have been having contractions since 34 weeks and have been taking it easy worried about early labor. At 38 weeks I am officially ready to meet our princess, but like any royalty I think she is going to wait to make a grand entrance. But even though I believe that’s how this is going to go there is still the chance that she will come any day now. The unknown drives me CRAZY!

As a super planner I am doing my best to think of any scenario. My hospital bags are packed, I have the big brother shirts ready, I have gifts for the big brother ready, all clothes are washed and put away, I have the present he wants to give his new sister ready to go. I even have his first day of school outfit washed and ready to go. Every night when I am putting my son to bed I wonder if this will be the last night where I am putting just one child to bed. I look into his eyes and know how much his world is going to change, and how he really has no idea what is coming. Will he wake up tomorrow morning with his mommy gone? Will tonight be the night?

Even worse I wonder if the bomb will explode during the day. I have no desire to labor in front of my son. Yes I can send him off to be with family and friends, but if I have a choice I would prefer everything to go down during the night. He won’t even know I am gone for many of the house that the process could take. That would make me happy.

So I am waiting for something to happen. Will my water break this time? Will I know when labor is starting if it doesn’t? How long will it all last? Will it be a smooth labor? Who knows. Only our little girl can decide. My body is about to go BOOM….I think I am ready.