When I was a little girl I always pictured what my family would be like when I grew up. Who would I marry? How many kids? What would they be like? One thing I knew for sure was that I wanted kids, and I wanted multiple kids. When we had trouble getting pregnant the first time around I began to wonder if that dream would ever come true, and after we had our little man I was so thankful for that blessing. No matter what happened next…at least I had him. But I always knew I wanted more than one child, so when when we had trouble the second time around I was worried that my little family of three would stay that way. Now that our second child is on the way, the reality that my family would be growing….sooner rather than later….is kind of scary. I am getting everything I have ever wanted, but what will my life be like now?

Many of my friends have had their second child. Some had easier experiences than others. Let’s be honest, some had nightmares. I watched them all go through it and while doing so I learned that moving from one child to two is a challenge. My son is now 3 1/2 and we have a great little routine going. He’s been an only child for a long time and pretty much has me at his beck and call. I remember when he was an infant I would sit for hours just holding him. My day would would solely be focused on his needs. Naps were on a schedule…bed time was on a schedule, and feeding was on demand. I obviously don’t know exactly how it will go yet, but I have a feeling that number 2 will have to be more “go with the flow”. Not to mention that the little man will have to adjust too. ALOT! He will still have his schedule and the activities, but he will soon have to learn that mommy needs some time to nurse, and attend to the baby too. That MAY be a challenge.

We are at such an easy place right now. My son sleeps, can get things for himself, we feel comfortable leaving him with sitters (OK I still have my issues)…all good things. It took me over a year to really feel like I could leave him for any extended period. I still don’t like it, but with nursing I felt pretty tied to my son. If we are honest I handled most “baby decisions” for at least the first 15 months with out asking for too much help from captain Awesome. Now he is SUPER at picking up the slack and doing things for both me and my son. I am hoping that with baby number two I will want, or am capable of asking for help from him more.

Will the baby sleep? Will she be colicky? What will I do if that happens? What if I am a horrible mom when I get sleep deprived? I know I did it all the first time around, and looking back at my Dear Christian posts I remember liking the newborn stage. What if I can’t juggle it this time? I know you will say…you just do…but I want to love it like I did the first time around. Will I? All these questions swirl in my head.

Don’t get me wrong…I can’t wait to meet our little girl. I can’t wait to be a mom to another wonderful child. It’s something I have dreamed about for so long. I got my pre registration hospital papers at my last OB appointment and was like “WOAH!”. This little girl is coming soon! I was talking to a friend who asked “what will you do with the baby when you have to work in Christian’s class?”. (his preschool is a co op and I will work one class a month in his classroom) I looked at her and said “I don’t know??”. What will I do? I guess wing it?

I can honestly tell you I really have no plans. Which may sound funny but it’s true. I am hoping to take the lead of my children and go from there. If I learned anything the first time around it’s that you can’t plan with kids. As a family of four I will “just do”. We will all have to work together and learn how to be a new family with a new dynamic. I am excited/scared for the  joys and challenges ahead. Isn’t that what parenthood is about? Doing what’s best for you…go with it…and hope you don’t screw up your kids too much.