Dear Long Island traffic,

Why do you hate me so? Why do you have to make such a mundane activity like running to the local grocery store an activity in which I am left to honk my horn, want to pull out my hair, and end up coming home with a headache? How can you be so cruel?

Why is it that whenever I leave my home I run the risk that a normal trip that is supposed to take 10 minutes may take 20, and a trip that is supposed to take 30 minutes could take up to an hour? I thwart your efforts daily by not leaving my house pre 10:00 or post 3:00….just because I can pretty much guarantee that at those times you get excited to get me stuck. But not everyone is as lucky as I am to work from home. What about them?

Why, when I think I am beating the system in the HOV lane do you then throw an extremely slow driver in front of me? Why, when I switch lanes to pass a car does my new late automatically stop? Which allows my old lane to pass me? (like this clip from Office Space!)


 One of my biggest archenemies is the Roving Pot hole fixers…..I get that it is important to fix the roads, but why must these road fixers always be where I am? Why can’t they just be somewhere else? Is it just to mock me? They normally show up when I am late, or very excited to get somewhere….why must it be this way?

Now I know we have never gotten along, and I know you’d think that after over 10 years I would just accept you for who you are….but I just don’t. I still hope that one day I will figure you out… and beat you.