I have been really bad about writing. It saddens me because I shared so many of my thoughts and about Christian over the years. Life just seemed to happen and I forgot to write. I know I will look back one day and regret it, so all I can do moving forward is to remember to share. Big moment’s happen. Moments that I wait for and sometimes look forward to and sometimes dread. Sometime’s these moments loom in my mind forever. Like this moment. The moment she stepped on the bus for her first day of Kindergarten. I had a vision of how it would go for a very long time. Each year passed and I knew I was one step closer to putting her on that bus. I had hoped that I would take it better then I thought, but I was wrong. Last week my baby girl walked onto her bus and another piece of my heart left me for the day.
I have been home with a child for almost 9 years. For 9 years my days have circled around my children. Even when they were in preschool it was only a few hours till they had to be picked up. Tessa’s last year of preschool was spent at dance class, gymnastics, playdates and parks. It was busy but I loved it. I have always loved being home with my babies. When my little man started Kindergarten I was devastated. I remember it well, but this time it really is an end of an era. This time they both get on that bus and my days are wide open ahead of me. What does my new life look like?
I read a post I wrote to my son on the night before he started Kindergarten. The feelings I had then I have again. What’s worse is this time it’s my LAST time! I walk two kids to the bus and walk home alone. This time I sent a 4 year old off to a full day of school. I didn’t think I’d be worried about her because she is so sure of herself most of the time, but I was. She doesn’t openly show anxiety, but I know she had been nervous.
She held my hand tight and began to cry into my arm. She wouldn’t let go. I had to hold it together but it broke my heart that I had to tear that little hand from my sleeve. She looked so scared and not sure at all. I told her it would be great and pushed her ahead onto the bus. A bus she’d never ridden. To a day unknown to her. How scary is that for a little girl? Then I waited. I waited all day to see her again. My days revolved around her for so long. We chatted endlessly in the car….well lets be honest her more then me cause she never stops talking in the car. I remember feeling annoyed sometimes because I needed to concentrate, but now she’s not with me anymore. The little voice still chats, but certainly not as often. Now, most of her day is spent with someone else. Another adult makes sure she is taken care of . Another person to help her when she needs it. I waited to see how she did, and when she got off the bus she told me how scared she was and how long the ride was. She told me she was made to sit by herself and she was worried she wouldn’t be brought home. How sad is that?? I can only imagine her little mind wondering when she would make it back to me. But she did make it back to me. She smiled. Other then the bus issue she had a great day.
And that was it. The day I have been thinking about for so long happened. Our new life of both kids in elementary school begins. There is no turning back now. Both my babies are little kids now. I know kindergarten will be good. Her teachers Mrs. Moccaldi and Mrs. Paros seem great. She has been at the school so often with her brother that so many teachers will stop to talk to her daily. But that’s it! Now I have some time to do things for me…but that’s for another post.