Dear Christian,

Your ten……TEN! I have been writing you these letters for over ten years and I can’t believe it. When you were a baby people would tell me “enjoy it because it goes fast”. I would smile and say I know, but you can’t know. A person could never imagine how quickly it all goes, and now you are ten. Tonight, as you do occasionally, you came downstairs when you were done reading. You crawled into my lap and said you just wanted to say “I love you”. And there you snuggle. Just for a bit. It’s these moments that I see my little boy. A little boy that just wants his mom’s hugs before bed. The safety of it. Then, you run upstairs and it’s over. I love these moments. Other days there are times when you roll your eyes at me and look at me like I am crazy. You huff and run up the stairs. Luckily this isn’t often, but I see my future. How did we get here?

You have been ten for about a month and 6 days now. You turned ten during a global pandemic and although you spit at 2020 regularly (don’t we all!) I have to tell you that you have been so brave and resilient. This year brought you quarantined life for months, school online, school days in masks and staying 6 feet away from everyone. It has kept you from family and friends and much so time alone. It’s not easy. It hasn’t been easy for any of us, but especially a little boy who is trying to make sense of it all. As a mom it was hard for me to tell you that you couldn’t have a 10th birthday party. In my head I wanted to plan something huge to commemorate this huge occasion. It’s hard for me not to give you everything you want, but I hope you see that it is what has to be done now. I hope you know I spend every waking moment trying to keep you safe.

 You are in 4th grade in Mrs. Davidson’s class. You are witty, loving, sensitive, smart, sweet, funny, sarcastic and stubborn. If we are being honest your personality is so much of your dad. I always say that you get your sensitivity and sweetness from me, but the rest of you is dad. Maybe that’s why you drive me nuts, but it always makes me love you more!

You love watching football. You soak up so much information about it. I am always amazed at the NFL facts you throw out at me. You love to play xbox. Fortnite and Madden keep you busy. These games have kept you connected during our quarantine days and I must admit I am thankful. Soccer tops the list of future professions for you. Although you promise to get rich and buy me nice things, I will not be holding my breath for this to come from professional athelete money.

You got braces. It started with a pallet expander, and then braces were added. Your teeth have shifted and your face has changed so much. I can’t believe the change really. I know this part of the letter is boring, but I still feel like it had to be mentioned.

One thing these times have shown me is how much our family loves each other. I have always worried that the years separating you and your sister would not allow for a great connection, but I am happy to report that this year has brought you two so close together. During the months when it was just us against the world, you two would play and laugh for hours. I would watch you outside during your “recess” from school and you would jump on the trampoline and just laugh. That’s what you two do….you laugh. She finds you hysterical, and you thrive on it.

I’m not good at letting you grow up. I honestly don’t think I will be good at this next stage of our life together, but I promise to try. I think I rocked the era of kisses and hugs fixing all. I push too much and get sensitive if you push me away. I apologize in advance. I hope when you read this some day you can say “mom you rocked all stages”, but …….I won’t be surprised if that doesn’t happen.

I love being your mom. I love the boy you are and I love being a part of your every day. I hope this year brings you joy. Joy may look differently then it did in the past, but I wish you joy nonetheless. I can’t wait to see all the amazing things you do. I love watching you experience the world, and I hope I can teach you right. These next years determine the man you become.

I love you my boy

Love, Mom