I will admit here and now that I really want to be a good wife. I try to be as domestic as I can, and I honestly do care about what my husband wants. Post college I finally realized what I was meant to do with my life, and that was to be a good wife and mother. Although sometimes I try in vain, I really do want to succeed. This past weekend The Captain and I went into Manhattan to do lunch with some good friends, and to watch football at another friends apartment. I knew I did not want to stay in the city for the game, so I made it clear that my husband should stay in the city with his friends, and I would just drive home when I felt like it. It was perfectly fine with me. But in the true nature of Mars and Venus communication…Captain Awesome wasn’t sure if I was fine with the situation..or if I was just saying I was FINE and really meant I wanted him to come home.
I left when I wanted, and I left him behind. I was actually very excited to go back to our home, open some wine and enjoy a girly movie that The Captain would never have watched. As a matter of fact, I watched Julie and Julia. (when will they make a movie about my blog?) It was just wonderful. But as I got home and settled I started to get texts and calls from The Captain. He asked me over and over if it was OK if he stayed…and how he wanted to come home and watch the Eagles game with me. I could tell right off the bat that he didn’t REALLY want to come home..I knew he was coming home because he thought it was what I wanted. So to make him feel better I told him that I didn’t want him to come home..and I didn’t want to watch the game at all. To be honest I was more than fine with the situation. But he didn’t believe me. I can only imagine what his friends thought as he sat there going on and on about how he is worried that I was mad at him. Am I really that horrible? I feel like he made the others think I was going to beat him or something if he came home later than I wanted him to. As the evening went on I got a call from my mother telling me “don’t be mad at your husband.” What??? He called my mom??? I explained to her that I was in no way shape or form mad at him. He used the pretense that he called her to talk about football…but I know he was calling to ask her if I was mad. Again I will ask…am I that horrible? I had no idea that I made my husband squirm and worry about doing what he wanted. Now I feel bad.
I NEVER wanted my husband to be scared to do what he wanted to do. Am I a horrible wife?
Well, I don’t think you’re horrible. it’s not like you lied. or anything bad to him. you simply wanted to go home.
and i love that you watched Julie & Julia! haha i would be cool to make a movie out of your blog ?
ohh and btw. I was one of the winners from the it’s complicated contest..how did that all go?
You didn’t leave your e mail and I wrote you on your myspace. You never gave me your full info. I needed your full name. Can you email it to me [email protected]
Thanks!
maybe you’re thinking about it the wrong way. you’re not a horrible wife, it sounds like he is a great husband!
maybe he went a little overboard on his concern this time that you were angry, but most husbands would just grunt and watch the game. mine included. ?
(and i have a wonderful husband, but when he gets a pass, he runs with it and doesn’t look back.)
You are right he is a great husband, and I love that he just wants to make me happy. I just hope that he comes home and stuff cause its what he wants, not only because he is worried I’m mad.
Your hubby definitely went a little beyond making sure you were okay with it. I think it’s great that he wanted to to check with you first and not want to hurt your feelings. However, from talking to my husband, if I tell him I’m fine, then (whether I am or not) he believes me. Sometimes he’ll do what your man did and check if that “Fine” meant that I’m not really, but I’m saying it is. In my husband’s case, he thinks that if something is wrong then I should be able to tell him. You guys should look up the Meyers-Briggs personality typing or even the Color Code. It’s really interesting and helps to see when the other person is coming from.
Well sounds like it was just one of those weird misunderstandings…and there will be more and more ahead!
But it has nothing to do with you being horrible…you know that!
Now…let’s talk Julie & Julia!
Did you not just adore that movie!
One of my faves EVER!
But…I was very disappointed when I popped over to the real life blog only to find one foul word after the next!
No wonder Julia Childs didn’t care for her!
But I did adore the movie!
XXOOXX
I did check out her blog after I saw the movie and was surprised to see foul language. I was also surprised to hear that her 2nd book talked about her having an affair! Her husband seemed so supportive in the movie!
Looking at it from the other side… sometimes I worry about whether I’m doing what my husband really wants. It’s nothing to do with him… just because I love him so much & want to do what he really wants (not, for example, what he might think was more reasonable to ask for). It’s probably worth talking to him…
I do the same thing Rachel. I do a lot of things to make sure he is happy…but for some reason when the tables are turned I want him to WANT to do the things..lol…I guess its a girl thing! lol
Don’t think of it as you being a horrible wife, but as him wanting to be the best possible husband. ?
Although, it wouldn’t hurt to reiterate to him that you really do (and will continue to) be honest so that he doesn’t have to feel like he needs to read between the lines. It might save you both some stress. haha
Girl, I feel ya all the way. My husband has done this quite a few times, but I do blame myself somewhat for his paranoia since I have a horrible habit of responding, “nothing” whenever he asks if anything is wrong, even if there is a problem..oops.
Love reading your blog.
I have a problem with that too Bethany! If you click on the link the post I wrote a post about fine vs. FINE..lol I sometimes make it hard for him to tell the difference…ooppss!
Sounds to me like you did the right thing. You just wanted him to enjoy his thing and you were happy doing what you were doing.
Hope you’re having a good day!
I don’t think you’re horrible at all! I think it shows what a good husband you have that is concerned about getting it right- and maybe he’s trying to make sure he doesn’t repeat a mistake he’s made before? Ahh, gotta love the Mars vs Venus thing, huh?
Or, maybe he just knew how badly the Eagles were going to lose! Sigh.. (lol)
The Eagles did lose pretty bad didn’t they…sigh! You are right..he was being a good husband, thats why I felt even more like a bad wife! lol
Hmmm, seeing as it’s only women that have commented and since I was in the apartment watching football with the Muscle Hamster (I refuse to call him the name he chose for himself because he is neither a captain nor awesome) I feel obligated to chime in. There wasn’t a single person in that room who thought you were a bad wife. Actually, we were giving him shit for wanting to go home and watch that game with you. He didn’t use the words “I have to go” at all, it was always “I want to go.” So, when he called you and you said not to come home, that made him neurotic and he thought you were upset. I have to admit it was amusing to watch him second guess his actions though. In his own weird way it was kind of sweet. Look on the bright side, you could have stayed and had a taxi door closed on your head like another one of our friends did to his wife later in the evening.
Thank you for the comment Andrew and Thank you for clearing it up a bit. I’m glad you chimed in! First of I will not be calling my husband Muscle Hampster.lol Anyway you are right. when you put it that way it was sweet. I guess we just miscommunicated cause I thought he was only coming home cause he felt like he HAD to, not because he WANTED to..Anyway, I am dying to know who slammed their wife’s head in the door! haha (PS I’m glad no one there thought I was a bd wife!)
Let’s just leave it at this, the idiot husband in question competed on the manliest team in the history of high school sports, synchronized swimming.
This has nothing to do with being a “good wife”, it’s about that mind reading stuff again. Say what you mean, and mean what you say ALWAYS and each of you will know what you are talking about. Poor Captain Hamster (that does have a ring to it!) has to use way too much brainpower trying to figure out what’s going on. ?
Kathie you are right…I have to work on just saying what I mean…I will get it right someday.
This happens to me all the time. I like my alone time and often dh doesn’t believe me. He insists I’ll be mad if he goes out, even when I want him to.
This used to happen to Donald and me (and I know about saying “nothing” when it’s “something” too!). We got to the point where I told him, looking him straight in the eye “If something is wrong, I will tell you”. And then I had to live it. It’s still hard and I slip up sometimes, but he knows to check again with me only once. Then it’s my responsibility to speak up. I don’t expect him to read my mind and I don’t read his. I’m sure the two of you will find a way to make it work.
I’m new here. HI. ? This post caught my eye because a.) I’ve been married for over 21 years now (OMG!OMG!OMG!), and b.) I read a post at someone else’s blog that we “older women” (OMG!OMG!OMG!) should help out the younger women.
Well, I don’t know if I can help anybody a whole lot…. but when you’re first married (like, the first 5-8 years is considered “first married” LOL), it takes awhile to get accustomed to each other. Yeah.
I wouldn’t freak out about this situation. Just keep on keepin’ on. There’s a proverb (31) that says “The heart of her husband safely trusts her, so he will have no lack of gain.” Trust takes time, through a continual life of being truthful and trustworthy. Just keep being honest and open, and he’ll get over his guilt of enjoying himself when you’re not there. ?
I like your blog. ?
Thank you for your comment! We have been together for about 9 years now, but I guess we still sometimes get it wrong. I will admit I sometimes expect him to read my mind, but most of the time I will just say what I mean. I guess we just have to keep working at it! ?
Nuts. I forgot to say “Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest” (don’t say that too fast or it will come out wrong, did you know that?) in my last comment. I was supposed to do that, because that’s how I found your blog.
? Happy… Sharefest! ?
That is certainly a mouthful! I LOVE SITS! I find so many great blogs from there! I’ll be sure to stop by yours!
I don’t think it means you’re a bad wife at all. I think it means that your husband is a sweetheart who just wants you to be happy.