Wow…that’s pretty much all I can say about Captain Awesome’s post. I don’t even know what to begin! lol All I can say is enjoy, and ladies feel free to give him HELL!
When we last talked, I was in the midst of defending myself from Wifey 101: Ignoring it Will not Make it go Away but because of the kitchen sink that was thrown my way I could only get to about half my rebuttal.
Ignoring The Angry Wife
The only way to combat this discussion is to break it down into certain situations:
- I Don’t Have an Earthly Clue Why We are Fighting
- I Know You are Angry but it is Stupid
- We are Fighting and I am in Deep Shit
Right off the bat, I want to say to the hundreds upon hundreds of women out there that read this blog on a daily basis, sometimes Men don’t actually know you are mad at us. While I will admit this is a rarity it does happen.
If I do something, and you tell me it is fine, and my little voice inside doesn’t says, “Woah, this may not all be good Cap Awesome” or my cool female neighbor doesn’t throw me the “Cap. Awesome we have an issue hand signal” then I may not actually know you are fighting with me. Ah, the Classic Fine vs. FINE argument. If you are curious what the ‘we have an issue hand signal’ means it sort of looks like this:
She’ll actually do a mixture of a these symbols to give me a warning. Sometimes I listen and sometimes I don’t because of the second situation: I know you are angry but it is ridiculous.
I am pretty sure it is because relationship women aren’t bound by the laws of logic. I am not saying that all women all the time aren’t logical, I am just saying that for whatever reason when it comes to your man, you don’t seem to be bound by the laws of logic. That in turn causes you to be angry about stupid things.
Just because you are angry or mad, doesn’t actually mean I have to get into it, because it is simply ridiculous. For example, if I do something stupid (and I know it is hard to believe but I do..sometimes…act inappropriately) then there is no real reason that we have to talk about it. Is it going to take back the stupid act? Nope. Is it going to make me not do it again? Probably not. So why do we have to talk about it? I’ll just ignore it and hope it goes away lol
The last category is the biggie. I am in Deep Shit, and I know It. While I am positive that the first two categories will apply to most relationships, the last one is probably more just applicable to Captain Awesome.
When I have done something that I know is a big deal, it is easier for me to hope it cools down a bit before opening Pandora’s box. I have a particular talent of actually sleeping even if we are fighting, so I will sleep lol. The problem then gives rise to when do you ask, “Hey, my love, I have noticed you haven’t talked to me in 12 hours or so, whats up?” So I end up never asking, and then it turns into a blog post lol.
I don’t have a reason for it, and my googling of the keywords didn’t exactly provide any insight as to why I do it. While The Wife often reminds me she was a Psych minor she has yet to offer me anything in the way of an explanation.
I don’t know if it is a guy thing, or a Captain Awesome thing, but I think my explanation of the other two situations adequately describe 94% of the situations since we don’t really fight all that often.
I do agree that women in relationships sometime expect the man to be a mind reader. But honestly, when I get on my husband for not picking up his dirty clothes and putting them in the hamper for the ONE THOUSAND-TH time in almost three years of marriage – are you honestly telling me that he doesn’t know what I’m upset about?
Yes, it is possible that when he left his clothes out on Tuesday he doesn’t know you are mad at him on Thursday
.-= Cap. Awesome´s last blog ..Ramblings of Captain Awesome – Nagging Wife Rebuttal =-.
I disagree! I think he knows you are upset but hopes that you will forget and move one..lol
My husband and I are all about the content communication – taking what the partner says at face value, and realizing that it will be recognized as such. No ESP. It helps a lot. Though, when I get stressed it does get thrown out the window.
I don’t expect my husband to be a mindreader and he doesn’t have to be. We communicate very effectively about everything except car repair. For some reason our differing opinions on mechanics and cost of such are the only touchy subject we have.
Steph (can I call you Steph?),
It is not whether you expect him to be a mind reader…it is whether he FEELS like you expect him to be a mind reader lol
Forward him the post!
.-= Cap. Awesome´s last blog ..Ramblings of Captain Awesome – Ignoring The Fighting Wife =-.
I’ll admit it, there are times I expect my husband to read my mind! This usually does end in a fight lol but after 5+ years of marriage we are getting better at the whole communication thing ?
I truly believe this issue follows amazing relationships even into the decades so you have some good company!
.-= Cap. Awesome´s last blog ..Ramblings of Captain Awesome – Ignoring The Fighting Wife =-.
We have been together 9 years..lol And after speaking to my parents married for over 30 year I am not sure I should expect it to get better! lol
Ok-I hate hate hate to admit this, but at least FOR ME, reason #2 is the most valid. But see-I’m being a big person and admitting it. To you and to all of the people who read this-NOT to my husband! Ha ha! But seriously-don’t tell him I said that!
Screw that! I am tracking that poor dude down and giving him this post! I am blowing up this whole damn situation
.-= Cap. Awesome´s last blog ..Ramblings of Captain Awesome – Nagging Wife Rebuttal =-.
In a marriage it always takes two. Two to mess something up and two to fix it. Instead of pointing fingers at each other point them back at yourself. Ask yourself, How can I make this situation better?
Wife:
First,ask yourself if this is really something to get worked up over. Can you go on living if Captain Awesome doesn’t do the specific something he is asked. In reality it’s probably not something worth working yourself up about. It might drive you absolutely bonkers but suck it up and don’t nag. Only bring up the 3 most important things and let the rest go. Life is to short to have your undies in a bundle.
Course of Treatment:
Men act like children most of the time. They act that way because we allow and encourage them too. If you want him to act like a grown up, treat him like a grown up. 1. Don’t indulge his child like behavior by nagging his ear off. 2. AS SOON as he commits X and you get upset, TELL HIM IMMEDIATELY! Grow up and communicate like an adult. Only little girls believe in the fantasy that real men mind read. Tell him, I am upset with you because of X. I’m upset because your actions (or lack there of) make me feel like you don’t respect me.
Then pause.
Let that sink in because men are dense. (ie. He probably doesn’t know what he did wrong or that he even made you mad)
Give him a chance to respond with WORDS.
Did he even know he forgot to do XYZ?
My husband says, (Captain Awesome will love this. Captain Awesome, you owe me big time) Men are like computers that only run one computer program at a time. One window open on the screen at one time, that’s it. There may be stuff blinking at the bottom but you(men) can’t stop what your doing until the open task is completed. By the time that task is done the blinking light at the bottom has been TOTALLY forgotten. And so you(Captain Awesome)go on to something else important, like online poker, because that is high on your list of man priorities. Women on the other hand are like a room full of hundreds of computer screens all running multiple functions at the same time. We are crazy awesome multitaskers and we get frustrated when Men can’t keep up.
You see, he is so stone age he can’t keep up with you Wife. Just feel a little sad for his inability to be a crazy awesome multitasker like you and move on.
Wife, after a while the direct approach WILL work. Captain awesome will begin to understand that these are SERIOUS things that matter to you and he will respond because he loves you and does not want to make you upset.
Also try making a list together of a FEW(Only the top 3 things) things that really matter to you and put it somewhere where we he can see it. (Not on the fridge, try tapped to the beer in the fridge)
Course of Treatment:
Captain Awesome:
1.GROW UP!
2.(My husband says)And I quote, “Quit being a dumb ass. You do the things that she wants you to do and you can do the things that you want to do more often.”
WHEW! That was really long. Good Luck! I hope my suggestions help!
Well I hope that you don’t think that these posts mean we are really angry at eachother. Our communication is sometimes a joke in our household, so I thought it would be fun to poke fun of eachother on the blog. I thank you for your well thought out comment. I like the computer reference and that makes sense.
“AS SOON as he commits X and you get upset, TELL HIM IMMEDIATELY! Grow up and communicate like an adult. Only little girls believe in the fantasy that real men mind read.”
First of all Ouch..lol..As for this, I normally do tell immidiately..but he doesn’t always respond, which then since I don’t want to be a nag, I let it go. But really I don’t let it go..lol..so that’s when it festers. Men are smarter than we think. They may say they are not mind readers but I have a feeling they all can sense when something is off. So I don’t allow that as an excuse.
Hmmm so I can admit that there are some guys who fall under the “1980’s computer” scenario you’ve laid out above. They only run on DOS and that’s it when it comes to processing informaiton.
But I have to come to the defense of Captain Awesome, my hubby and other guys in my life. I think more often than not, we women nag the hell out of our husbands. And I think in their defense, they ignore these stupid nags because they are just that…stupid. Not because they are dense or unable to multi-task.
I was going to respond to this comment here, but you have illicited too much out of me, and I’ll do another post in response (if The Wife lets me).
.-= Cap. Awesome´s last blog ..Hershey’s Better Basket Blog Hop =-.
You know, I think that a lot of times we want them to read our minds so we don’t have to be the ones to tell them that they’re wrong! Humor is a good way to get through some discussions, as long as there is clear points about what is important.
Captain Awesome is a brave man to take on your blog ?
I agree here…Sometimes you just get tired of saying things, or asking. You just hope..lol that one day will just KNOW to do it! Yes he is a very brave man for taking on my blog! ? I’m glad he did
I don’t think your mad at each other! I don’t think you would be blogging about it if you where. When I read your blog I just responded with what I thought, which was quite a bit. No harm intended!
“AS SOON as he commits X and you get upset, TELL HIM IMMEDIATELY! Grow up and communicate like an adult. Only little girls believe in the fantasy that real men mind read.” That was really harsh. I should have laid that out more thoughtfully. I tend to be incredibly straightforward person and sometimes I think and say things that are brutal. That is how I talk to myself though. For me it is effective but I should have been more thoughtful.
The computer explanation was not given to say that men are slow or dumb. It’s just that they think and process in a completely different way than women, and as a woman, that can be really frustrating.
I gave that analogy to come to Captain Awesomes’ defense. Many times men just simply forget to do things. And then when we get mad they know something’s up but they can’t figure out why. They might think to themselves, I know it’s probably something i did/didn’t do but I can’t even remember if she asked me to do anything. And now not only will she be upset with me for not doing X but for not even remembering what X was. Maybe if I don’t acknowledge she’s mad it will go away. Can you tell my husband and I have been around this mountain before? lol.
I completely agree that they know something is up. They just don’t want to be in trouble so they avoid! Just like you were talking about in your original blog! And when my husband avoids it is SO HARD for me not to nag. And it is so hard to let go.
Captain Awesome I was a little hard on you. I was just trying to keep it short and sweet(ok, maybe not so sweet). You must be a wonderful husband or your Wife wouldn’t talk about you so much! The blog also looks very nice by the way.
I really didn’t mean to make any one upset. I was just voicing my opinion. I really am looking forward to Cap. Awesome’s rebuttal!
*Note to self: No more late night blog comments. ?
No worries! Always feel free to comment with your opinions! That’s what i blog for! To get my thoughts out and I love when people respond! It makes me smile, especially when the comments are thought out like yours.
this is hilarious! i love it when captain awesome guest blogs here!
i think that my husband almost always knows when i’m mad and ignores it as long as he can. (eventually i burst into something like, “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING MY SILENT TREATMENT!” or some other such nonsense.)
My husband has ignored me for 45 years. No matter what I do or say it falls on deaf ears. He usually just goes downstairs where hes lived for all these years. The last time I have had love, sex, intimacy,cuddling was on our wedding night 45 years ago. He decided that he hated sex,he thought it was disgusting, no excitement or pleasure, and way to much work for so little. He just said never again and he ment it. He worked midnight shift for 40 years and like I said he moved his things to the basement. He doesn’t care about me what I do or where I go or with whom ever. I could have had an affair and he wouldn’t have cared. I can’t even explain how I’ve felt all these years. I pray every day that GOD will take me away from all this.