planning to get pregnant

When I was trying to conceive after my first miscarriage the only thing on my mind was getting pregnant. It was always there. It was there so much that I even began planning things by thinking “well I should be pregnant so I can’t that”, or “I don’t want to buy that outfit cause I will be pregnant soon”. I know that’s not what I should do but I do…Now that it’s time to start trying again I am doing my best to “relax” and “go with the flow”, but it’s hard. Once getting pregnant is on your mind it’s hard NOT to plan for it. But that’s the thing…you can’t PLAN anything when it comes to being pregnant and I know that all too well.

I can’t believe so much time has passed since my miscarriage. In some cases it feels like forever ago and in some ways it feels like it went so fast. I will admit that I loved the easy going feeling of the past 2 months. I was able to live in the present and not think too much about what happened, and even better I didn’t worry about what was to come. But here we are 2 months later and it’s time to start thinking about “what’s next”. For me next is to try again to have another child. But I know all that is involved in having that happen and I am terrified to go at it again.

When I was trying to conceive with Christian so many of my “plans” fell to the wayside. NOTHING happened as it was supposed to and the same happened with this last pregnancy. God laughed at my plans. I am sure it’s because he has ideas of his own, but that doesn’t make the destruction of my plans any easier. Now, I find myself trying not to think too much ahead in the future. Why bother?

You may not believe me but I am pretty much at peace right now. I am doing Acupuncture to get pregnant, as well as all the other things I did back in the day to get pregnant the 2nd time. It worked then right? So I am feeling pretty good about it. Talk to me in a few months and we can reevaluate the situation, but for now I want to go with the flow. I want to do my best NOT to have TTC consume my life again. I am terrified it will…If I am able to plan for anything I want it to be that…

Here we go again…