This past summer I chose to share about my miscarriage and Our Loss. It was a horrible time in my life, and although I am moving on, there are some things that just remind me of the loss. For example this month I would’ve been in my 5th month of pregnancy. The fifth month is such an important one…I would’ve found out if I was going to have a baby boy or girl. Knowing I would have been that far along is somewhat of a sucker punch in the gut. You go about minding your own business…then BAM! A thought comes out of nowhere to remind you what you lost…
The Journey of Trying To Conceive (TTC)
The trying to conceive journey is just that….a journey. It is a process that not everyone thinks about. I had hoped that I would be one of those people who just decided that they wanted to be pregnant and it just happened. As a matter of fact I was really close to being that person since my husband and I got pregnant on our first shot. I guess God just decided that it was just too easy for it to happen that way, and that our journey was not complete. Instead we are left to actually “Try” to have a baby. I don’t think anyone can really understand what it’s like to have babies on the brain until they are at that point in their life when they really want one….but it’s just not something you can just do….it’s not something you can achieve….its something you may have to try hard at and fail.
I try not to talk to people much about it…because we all know where babies come from and it’s embarrassing to talk about it sometimes. The other reason I don’t bring it up is because then I hear….just relax and it will happen. REALLY? RELAX? Don’t you know by telling someone to relax that they do just the opposite? And it is certainly easy for someone who is pregnant, has children, or are not looking to have children just yet to say relax….why? Because they have no idea what it’s like to suffer through a miscarriage and then be left waiting every month hoping for their 2nd chance.
So that’s where I am in my journey to motherhood….stuck in limbo just wishing, hoping , and praying that God’s plan for me includes a healthy pregnancy in the near future. Keep your fingers crossed! I know I will!