So these past few days I have really enjoyed reading posts about what other people do or don’t do for Valentine’s day. There are some that LOVE the holiday and some that HATE it. Some people celebrate some people don’t. Some people have men in their lives that plan out insanly romantic evenings and some people don’t….but no matter how you feel about Valentine’s day, it seems to be here to stay. And no matter what, each year…on February 14th that day will come around and guys..if you want a happy wife…try to think about what your wife REALLY feels about Valentine’s day. I think you’ll be happier for it.
I may be wrong, but I think women who say “I think Valentine’s Day is stupid” is like a man saying “I don’t like strip clubs”. I mean come on! I have to believe that deep down somewhere that a woman would love to have an insanly romantic evening planned for them. And of course that could and should happen any time during the year..but lets be honest. Sometimes men need a little push to get the ball rolling. So Valentine’s Day is a perfect excuse. That’s why I say it’s like men and strip clubs…you may say it all you want but I doubt if you as a man are ever “forced” to go to a strip club that you’d sit there with your eyes closed staring at the exit…you just wouldn’t so you can admit it. Men like naked women..bottom line. Just like women like romance…bottom line.
I was reading a post from My Husband Is Annoying and I had to laugh at both the post and the comments that were made. There were a few comments from men reminding women that men are not mind readers, and if you want something just say it. I think that sentiment goes back to a previous wifey 101 post titled: Fine vs. FINE. Basically we as women make the mistake of expecting our men to make the “right” decisions. But the truth is that they sometimes need to be “guided” towards that “right” decision. I just think we hope that our men will WANT to want to be romantic and sweet.
I don’t have the most romantic husband. He knows it and I know it. This year I said “no presents”. I meant it! So was I sad when I got no presents? No way! Would it have been nice to get a little “I really wanted you to have this” present? Sure! I kind of planned Valentine’s day. I picked the activity of what we’d do that day because to be honest I have learned it is better to just plan what I want to do rather than hold my breath waiting for him to plan the day, and I knew we’d go to the same restaurant we do every year. (sentimental reasons) Does this upset me? Not anymore…but would a nice “I planned everything..surprise romantic day” be nice? Of course!
So here is the point when it comes to Valentine’s Day. Men…more effort is never a bad idea. Women…don’t expect too much from your man. I don’t think it’s in most of their natures to be romantic. (yes I know there are some romantic gems out there) And remember…love isn’t only about one special day…it’s about sharing love every day. But it can’t hurt to “celebrate love every day, but make this one day special”.
Ahhh, we just had this conversation. ? My husband said, “You just have to tell me,” and my reply was, “But I just want you to know what to do.” Unfair of me, yes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want that…
Send him this post he may appreciate it! AND ESPECIALLY SEND HIM THE FINE vs FINE!
.-= Cap. Awesome´s last blog ..Happiness Wins!: A Valentine’s Day Story =-.
I know it’s so difficult. I mean who wants to ask for things all the time?
Love this post, Jen. Men and women in a nutshell. I think you pretty much nailed it – men – effort doesn’t hurt and women – adjust your expectations. I’ve seen that my expectations hurt us a lot. When I just open my eyes and see all the ways he is actually loving me, I appreciate it so much more, more than I do when I am looking for specifics.
Lots of wisdom! ?
Ya I used to have a lot of expectations..I did another post in the past saying how romance is like porn for women just like men have unrealistic expectations about womens looks…and like you said when you look beyond all that its the every day stuff that counts the most.
HAHA!! You are soo right!
This is oh so true! My hubby is pretty romantic, but he tends to not pay attention to what I say I want! LOL! He’s learning though.
I guess over the years we all get “trained”! both men and women!
haha, that is so funny and true: Saying, “I don’t like v-day” is like guys saying, “I don’t like strip clubs” Great analogy!
Stopping by from SITS to say HI!
Love this post tooo… so true!
My hubby is so not romantic either and too have kind of “given up” on the idea of a big V-day surprize. But this year was pretty good, maybe lowering expectations allows for a better day ?
I agree! it’s a much better day when you aren’t expecting your day to be like some romantic dates in the movies..lol life just doesn’t always work out that way.
I totally agree! I am pretty good at figuring out gifts and do like surprises, but it is hard to surprise me. Mike would so much rather I plan/ tell him what I want/ etc. However, when he plans and surprises he does such a good job! My favorite was a helicopter ride around NYC a few years ago for my bday. I had NO idea about that one. This Valentine’s I knew I would get a spa GC because I always get that, flowers, chocolate and love it. This year, Mike actually got the EXACT spa I love instead of the generic Spafinder. I appreciated that and just the little extra effort made me that much more happy!! Oh, and 2 Olivia free days for mommy came along with that ? We DO love romance & I agree that sometimes guys need a reminder. But, I as you, see nothing wrong with that at all!
I totally agree Lynda. Just that little EXTRA effort made all the difference right? and you notice it and appreciate it. That helicopter ride sounds AMAZING! That definitly is a romantic plan! And of course as a new mommy I am sure “olivia free days” are a wonderful gift;)
I agree, men don’t seem to be romantic by nature. You know what I’ve started doing? When something romantic or cheesy happens in a movie, I tell me husband, “I’d love that,” or “Please don’t ever do that.” We’ll see if it pays off. ?
I hope it works!! lol I don’t think those subtle hints would work for Capt. Awesome. I’ve flat out told him what I’ve love (aka a horse drawn carraige ride in the city) and haven’t had it in 9 years! lol
I hate to say it Jen, but I really don’t like V-day! I think it’s a Hallmark holiday & too often makes people who don’t have someone special in their lives, feel bad. I’m also not into romance-just not into it…not sure why. Sorry – I’m a Scrooge!
I remember you saying that Kerrie…but even if it’s not on V day..I bet that if Dennis planned a babysitter..and told you he was taking you out at night and had the whole thing planned (to do what you like) that you would LOVE it! am i wrong? would you turn your nose up at a romantic gesture?
No, I wouldn’t – but I’d want to know who’s babysitting! I think it prob comes more down to me being a control freak…spontanaiety (sp?) doesn’t sit as well with me as it does for others!
I have learned after five years of marriage to tell him that yes, it is important, do something! If nothing else, men are certainly literal creatures- it seems to make it easy to tell him that yes, I do expect acknowledgment of the holiday, and yes surprises are good. Takes the guesswork out of it, and that way I’m not mad and he’s not shocked!
Ya I get what you are saying..and I have been trying to be better. But a surprise is no longer a surprise if you have to ask for it..lol.
Great post! So true…I’m going to start using your strip club analogy on my friends and coworkers who swear that they hate V-Day. It’s almost like a cop-out because they’re afraid their man isn’t going to come through. When I got flowers delivered at work, one of my coworkers said that she tells her husband not to buy her flowers because they die. True, they do. But I don’t know a single person who doesn’t beam when they get flowers! It’s just nice to know you were thought of.
Also, I’ve tried to get away from being “that couple” who doesn’t celebrate with gifts on Christmas/birthdays/holidays. We have done it once or twice, but I always end up thinking, “Why did we do that?” It’s not like we have a bunch of kids to focus the attention on. We can afford it. We deserve it. So I’ve banned the whole “let’s not do gifts” option in our house. I like a reason to celebrate, even if it’s just with dinner together, game night, a handmade card.
You never disappoint with your posts!
Good comment Christina! I think you should use that on your friends cause like you said..I can’t think of one girl who gets flowers and says “oh I hate flowers”. No they get them and smile! I too think it’s a cop out!
You are totally right about the gifts..someday we are going to have kids and life will be about them so now is the time to do things for eachother. I never really thought of it that way..and you know what?? I’ll say it. I LIKE GIFTS! ?
“I just think we hope that our men will WANT to want to be romantic and sweet.”
Well said, convicting, and probably NOT too much to ask. But menfolk really do have to work at it. Sadly, it doesn’t seem to come naturally … at least not for mutants like myself.
P.S. I came via Young Wife’s blog.
I guess men folk do have to work at it! but you know…I have to work on cleaning, and I have to work on other parts of being a wife…but I do it.
Thanks for stopping by! I hope you comment again!
So true. I also don’t understand why people don’t like Vday. It’s not a Hallmark holiday, it has a history. Plus it doesn’t have to be about romantic love. I’m 32 and married and my dad still gets me something every year. I understand you should celebrate love everyday, and we do, but it’s not to set aside a day that will just be for DH and I no one else. All we did is go to dinner and see a band, but we had fun together.
I agree…even if it’s an excuse V day is a nice time to set aside for me and DH..and I will embrace that because of that. It’s important to celebrate your relationship.
I think valentines day is something that retail stores dreamed up to make $.
I think men just want women to say what they want, rather than us having to read minds all the time.