When I graduated from college, I never had the opportunity to move back home and save money like most of my friends did. My husband was still in college, and I decided that in order to make our relationship work, I would rent an apartment on Long Island so we could be together.
So I jumped into the “grown up” world with both feet, and begun to take care of myself. This meant that I had to get furniture, and pay bills among many other things. I had to set up appointments to get cable, phone service and wait for deliveries. I had to make sure we had heat and electricity. I took care of all my banking and made sure I always had money in the bank. I had a system and it worked for many years.
Now, as a married woman of less than 1 year I find myself handing many of those jobs over to my husband. Now I don’t even have the patience to deal with customer service reps. If they call I just tell them to call back and talk to my husband. This isn’t the old me??? What happened to the independent woman I was/am??? Is it bad that I am happy that I don’t have to deal with many of those things anymore?
My Grandma’s Predicament
I always thought it was sweet when my grandma and grandpa would help each other with things. Even the small things like opening jars, or grabbing glasses out of the cupboards that my grandma couldn’t reach. After years and years of marriage they had a system, and it worked for them. I never really realized what my grandpa did for my grandma, and vice versa, until my grandpa died 3 years ago. My grandma was left struggling with many of the everyday tasks that he “just took care of”. I felt bad for her, and looked at my relationship and realized how already dependent I am on my husband. I have had him around in some capacity for 8 years now, and it sometimes scares me to realize how dependent on him I am already.
For instance, the cable company called yesterday with a deal for us. I listened to the man speak, and after some time I asked him if he could call back in 20 minutes when my husband came home so that it could be explained to him. I found myself not even wanting to deal with that aspect of the household. Why should I? He always does? I couldn’t be bothered with it. Opening jars? Well that’s just a given. I have this jar opening contraption that I used to use….now….I just decide that I will just wait till my husband comes home to open it. What’s the rush? Getting the mail….I never get it! My husband lived at home for many years and never got to “get the mail”. Now, he gets so excited to be able to get the mail that I just let him do it every day. So it just appears on my counter when he gets home. One time, when he was away for a bit, I just never went out to get the mail. Why should I? It just always shows up so I don’t have to remember?
Those are just a few examples, but as time goes on our roles as husband and wife seem more defined. Is this just part of marriage? Once you get married, is it ok to let go of some of the control? Am I less of an “Independent Woman” now that I am more inclined to let my husband take care of things? What are your experiences with this?