I have been with my husband for almost 9 years (nine years this March), living together for most of those 9 years (Yes I know that’s a sin) , and married for over a year and a half. We bought the house we currently live in 1 year before we actually said “I do”, so when it was time for us to come home after the honeymoon and begin our lives as man and wife, I found that things weren’t really much different then they were before. That’s right, I said it…they were pretty much the same. We jumped back into our lives, and back into our routines. As the time started to come when we wanted to have children, I began to think about what in our lives will change once there is a child involved. How will our relationship change? Have I done all I have wanted to do? And as I thought about all of these things, I am happy to report that I believe I have lived my childless years to the fullest.
Last January The Captain and I decided that we would take a trip to the Dominican to celebrate what we thought would be the last all inclusive vacation as a childless couple. We wanted to kick back and relax one more time before I was preggers and couldn’t drink for 9 months and beyond (since I want to breast feed). As it turns out I think we will be taking another one of those trips this year, but that’s besides the point. The point is, that I think that people who are looking in the not to distant future to have a baby, should take advantage of this time to just enjoy each other as husband and wife.
First lets talk about the bigger stuff. Things like vacations and partying till all hours of the night. I mean think about it. Vacations become a lot more involved when a baby or child is involved. If anything you would take a different type of vacation. I know Captain Awesome and I don’t plan on going all inclusive and and taking mama jauana shots all day long when we have a little one to take care of. And the going out thing?? I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be to be to handle a crying baby if I have a splitting hangover headache.
How about around the home? Currently on a weekend when there is nothing for me to do I will sleep till around 10:00 and The Captain can sleep till about noon. Do I think this will EVER happen again when we have children?? No way! Actually, if you ask me what I will miss the most when I have a baby the answer would be to lose the ability to sleep till whenever I want. It’s true! And how about sexy alone husband and wife time?? I am pretty positive that becomes a little more difficult when there are kids. Am I wrong?
So my point is this married ladies of the childless years…try to enjoy life as much as you can. I am sure there are those of you out there that are like me that WANT a child more than anything else in the world, and that WANT has consumed you, but every once in a while step back and enjoy being married. Enjoy being husband and wife, and take advantage of the life that you have now at this moment.
“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today ~ William Allen White
Josh and I have been married for almost 10 years and together for 12 and I CAN NOT tell you just how freaking spot on this post is! The last 10 years have been amazing and the next 50 will be fantastic too! This will happen with or without kids. This alone time is the only blessing of infertility!
It’s hard to remember it sometimes, but it’s true. You have to enjoy traveling through life with your partner and remember to live and enjoy every moment…even if some parts of life are hard…take advantage of the good.
You are so right! Unfortunately I never got those years. We got pregnant and then married. So we only know the years of children. I am honestly looking forward to the years of just my husband and I.
You’ll get them…and you can still enjoy eachother now WITH the kids!!
You are completely right! That time before children is so special. But I want you to know that life does not stop after having kids…if you don’t want it to. My husband and I are very social people. We still take vacations,have date nights, go to parties and have parties. And we still have that “alone” time as well. It’s so important to make time for each other and for yourself after having a child. Life is never the same, but you wouldn’t want it any other way. Have fun on your vaca. My husband and I are planning one for the fall (without the little one). See, you can still do those things!
I get that you can still do that. I know my parents always did both. and I admire that. I just think that no matter what it is DIFFERENT. Meaning no matter what you always have that little child in your head…if you are out to dinner you may think about the babysitter, or if you are on vacation you have to thik about what’s going on at home…right now it’s pretty care free.
yes, life sure does change. you can never count on plans. this weekend was to spent with friends….instead, I got a call from daycare stating Will has ‘uncontainable diarrhea’. So, what was to be a nice relaxing weekend will now be spent quarantined in the house, cleaning up poop messes… Joy. However, I will say, life changes, but doesnt stop. We still have fun parties —everyone brings the kids, pack n plays, and we enjoy friends, drinks, and the kids just sleep wherever. Its fun — make children fit into your life, and not the other way around. (Except, of course, when they have ‘uncontainable diarrhea’ — whatever that means)
I think it’s great what you said…that you make children fit into YOUR Life. I want to be that type of parent that brings my child with me..and all of our friends to do the same. I know so many peole who stop their life and hibernate inside instead of bringing their kid with them…I want to be the other kind of parent ?
I think about that sometimes. But it looks like DH and I won’t be able to have kids, so then the question is . . . do we want to adopt? I dunno. I love our life just the way it is, for all the reasons you posted – being able to sleep in, do what we want when we want.
That is a tough decision. I guess you just have to look and see what you want most. Whatever decision you choose has to work for you.
Kids definitely change life plans like vacations, going out late and sleeping in. And ohhh boy do I miss those! But then, you get a chance to do them (seldomly if you’re lucky and have great babysitters/parents/in-laws) but then you appreciate it that much more!
My husband and I have been together about 4 years, married 17 months, and still undecided about children… we love our life together just as it is!
I agree. I’m definitely the same way. My hubby and I have been together for almost three years and will be married for 2 at the end of March. It’s been hard to not have children, especially when so many friend and family are getting that opportunity. Though, at the same time, I’m glad that we have time to enjoy each other. Out of both sides of our family we are the only ones to not basically start out family with kids. We’re actually planning a trip for this Spring and I’m so excited that we get some just us time.
That sounds like a great idea! I really think it’s important to focus on that stuff. although I want a baby more than anything, I know that I NEED to enjoy this time in our marriage.
I never really had childless years since I had my first at 19 and my second at 20. Now they are 12 and 13 and I find that I can sleep late (which I love to do!) and go out occasionally. It’s not too bad to have children, there’s still plenty of opportunity for fun and alone time and just think of that extra little special someone that you get to share it with now. Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!
Now you get to enjoy all of that now!:)
Great point! I think we rush, rush, rush and focus on the future so much we forget to enjoy the blessing of peace and sanity with the spouse! I will share this with my hubby now and start really focusing on these moments, because being TTC it’s so easy to forget. Btw-love the all-inclusive trips…hubs and I did Costa Rica for our honeymoon and highly recommend it!
It is definitely easy to forget! When I start to focus on what we don’t have I have to force myself to remeber all the good. I have always wanted to go to Costa Rica
It’s so true. I tell all of my friends that are still in their childless years the same thing. Oh to be able to sleep past seven o’clock!! That would be like heaven!! Being focused on parenting is the most selfless time in your life. But it’s temporary. After about 20 years you get to focus on you and your husband again. And then there are those brief moments during that you can reconnect as well.
Enjoy this time! It took my husband and I a few years to conceive and I was so focused on getting pregnant but I should have been focused on sleeping and enjoying my freedom!
Thanks for stopping by my blog last week!
Thanks for the comment! I am working on not getting too focused on TTC at this point. i think I’ve relaxed a lot…it was truly necessary and now I get to focus on my marriage:)
Great post! Very true it’s hard sometimes not to get so focused on what you want, and to appreciate what you have. Also, the quote at the end was my senior yearbook quote, I love it!
I don’t have any kids yet, and hubby and I were together for 10 years before we got married (dated through HS). Now we’re going our 6th year of marriage and things are actually sort of rough, not to mention the whole me-without-a-job thing. We have three dogs and the youngest does NOT let me sleep in, so if you want to experience that, just get a neurotic dog to wake you up. Haha. I’m actually a little worried that since we’ve waited to have kids and now I’m 30 it will be even more difficult to concieve. But at this point, I’m working on my small business venture and trying to enjoy the time I have before kids. sorry to ramble. You havea really cute blog. I’m stopping by from SITS today.
Anna
Funny you said that about a dog. I have al ittle dog but she is SOOO good! doesn’t eat stuff on the floor, lets me sleep in and goes on wee wee pads..lol so it’s not good practice! Good luck with your business venture!
Oddly there’s a part of me that says nothing much has changed and another part that says everything has changed. We didn’t go on, er, any real vacations before we had kids, mostly because my family is in NY and FL, and my husband’s family is in NV and WA, so if we want to see anyone ever it means using vacation days. Our relaxing activity was taking long walks, which we still do… but oh, the sleep! And the spontaneous sexy time! Looking forward to getting those back in about 20 or so years?
I can imagine having family in different states that you visit makes it very difficult! It’s nice you still take your walks..I love going for walks now:)