Repost:Remembering Happiness Trumps Sadness

I wrote this post last year on February 13th, which was the original due date of the baby that we lost. I decided to repost this because I wanted to share with those of you out there in a similar situation I was in, that when it comes to wanting a baby what a difference a year can make. Last year, at this very exact time I was so sad. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel…but look at me now. This year I have my son. My beautiful baby boy and I couldn’t be happier. So keep hoping…keep trying…and someday you too will get your miracle.

I am sad…I will admit it. I have been working so hard at staying positive and being happy, but sometimes the sadness creeps in and there is nothing I can do. This week has been hard. It’s really hard knowing that had everything gone right I would be getting ready to meet my son or daughter. But it didn’t go right, and February 13th (my original due date) is tomorrow, and there is no baby in my belly. I am just as far away at becoming a mom as I was last summer. Nine months have come and gone and everything is still the same….so that makes me sad. I found myself randomly crying this week. I also found myself being a complete Bit$h for no reason. But don’t I get to feel that way? Aren’t I allowed to be sad and angry sometimes? But once I have finished crying, and I allow good thoughts to come back I remember that this weekend also means a lot of good things. This weekend marks 9 years since The Captain and I went on our first date, and this weekend also marks the 4 year anniversary of the night we got engaged. So I am reminded about how blessed I am to have such a wonderful man in my life. And although it will be hard, I plan on remembering that happiness should always trump sadness. Let’s hope it does this time.

February 14, 2001 Captain Awesome asked me out on our first “offical date”. It was actually a bold move since we weren’t officially dating at that time, but it was nice to know that he cared enough about me to spend the biggest Hallmark Holiday with me. He took me out to an Italian restaurant named “Cafe Testarosa”. I am a very picky eater and wouldn’t share calimari with him, and I remember being scared to eat my penne ala vodka because of all the green parsely on top. Last thing I need was green thingys stuck in my teeth1 It was a great first date, and to this day we celebrate Valentine’s day at that very same restaurant.

February 14, 2007 was an extremely cold and icy night. We had been dating  a VERY long time and I was frustrated we weren’t engaged yet. That night The Captain ended up having to work late since he worked for an evil law firm. Didn’t they know it was Valentine’s day?? So I sat and waited. That night, just like the other Valentine’s Day we had plans to go to Cafe Testarosa. But that year would be different. That year the man of my dreams proposed to me! We ate dinner and when ordering he told me to save room for dessert. So when dessert was brought out..there on the plate was a beautiful sparkly diamond! When I turned to him, he was down on one knee asking me to marry him. It was just perfect. It’s a Valentine’s day I will remember forever.

So needless today there is a lot to celebrate on Valentine’s day. For us it no longer is a stupid Hallmark Holiday. It has a lot of history. But this year a little shadow looms over the days. This year the sadness has crept into my heart. I want to WANT to celebrate, but sometimes I just want to curl up by myself and hide. But I won’t hide. I am known to put on a happy face and go on. But here in my blog I can be honest with myself…here I can say this week I am/was sad and no I don’t want to talk about it.  But I have to hope that my mind will allow the Happiness to win over the sadness. It just has to because the last thing I want to do is wallow. The last thing I want to do is be sad….So I am choosing happiness. Mind over matter right?

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46 Responses to Repost:Remembering Happiness Trumps Sadness

  1. {{Hugs}} You are allowed to be sad and you don’t have to put on a happy face if you can’t or don’t want to!
    I’ve been down that road and it took me a few years before I wasn’t sad on the day of the loss and the weekend of what should have been the birth.
    I’m so sorry.

    • Thank you so much…I really appreciate it. I’m sorry to hear you had to go down that road too, but it’s nice to know you have a happy ending.

  2. I am so sorry. I have never lost a baby but I have had trouble conceiving so I know how frustrating and painful it can be. Take the time to grieve, but take time to celebrate as well. It is possible to do both at once.

  3. Sending you love and hugs. I hate these anniversaries… they always ruin all the other good things going on around them. Thinking of you, and I’m here if you need me.

  4. I’m sorry to hear that. Keep up hope. Lots of women take a few years before they have a successful pregnancy.

    I hope everything goes well for you this VDay! Your husband sounds great, so I’m sure he’ll take your mind off things, no problem!

    • Thank you so much. Ya I know it takes a while, but I suffered a miscarriage so I KNOW I can get pregnant so that’s the frustrating part…now we just have to wait! Thanks for visiting!

  5. You brought a tear to my eye.
    My husband and i never really take the time on valentines day, but your post has made me realize just how important it is to celebrate what is good in our lives, right at this very second.
    Sending you all the love in the world on this hard day…
    May God bless you and your husband.
    *HUGS*

    • I always find it very important to celebrate the little things. Even if its a stupid Hallmark holiday it can still bring good memories. You should definitely celebrate all the good! ***hugs!***

  6. I had a miscarriage last September. I haven’t gotten to my due date yet, but I know the week of April 28 is going to be really hard for me too. I’m really sorry you have to go through this. I hope that you still have a great Valentine’s Day with Captain Awesome!

    • I’m so sorry to hear that Jenny. :( It’s a horrible thing. I am sorry that you have to go through this too. When April comes around and you need someone to talk to please contact me.

  7. You CAN choose happiness, but know that it’s ok to be sad, too. Take time to think about what might have been while knowing that what you want is right around the corner. Enjoy this weekend with your husband. What a sweet love story you have to share with the children you WILL have one day.

    • Thanks Heidi! I hope to choose happiness too! What a great thought :) it is a great story to share w/ our future children. Thank you for reminding me of that.

  8. I am glad you wrote about this. I think writing and getting it all out there helps a lot.

    And choosing happiness is something a lot of us need to remind ourselves to do sometimes. Just as we also need to allow ourselves to feel the sadness.

    I love your engagement story. :)

    • I definitely find writing about it theraputic. I agree..choosing happiness means being happy with what you have, and I really am…so I have to focus on that. :)

  9. My heart hurts for you. You are grieving and you are absolutely allowed to feel sad AND pissed off. I remember someone told me that it isn’t what happened (miscarriage) that is the loss but what we know we won’t have because of it. Like we mourn what should have been. I hope you can find comfort in the other happy anniversaries this weekend but do not be too hard on yourself for feeling all the bittersweetness of it all.

    *hugs*

    • Thank you Sol…I think that’s a good way of putting it. I definitely mourn what could have been. :( but I do realize that what I have is good…so I am happy about that.

  10. I’m so sorry, JEn. THat is so, so hard. You are to be commended for having such a good, strong attitude- and yes, you are allowed to let yourself be sad from time to time. It is important to be true to what you feel in a moment – but just as important to see the whole picture, which you are doing.

    I’m so sorry, sweetie…I’ll be thinking of you and praying for you this weekend. Enjoy letting your hubby love on you. Your time will come. All the best, girl.

  11. Happiness absolutely trumps sadness and I really DO believe in the power of positive thinking. February is also a special month for Mike and I… 5 years we’ve been dating (Feb 17), 3 years engaged (Feb 13). It’s also a challenging month as it is 5 years since my father passed away (Feb 28). However, this year we scheduled Olivia’s baptism on Feb 28 and with the thought in my mind that it would be a perfect day for our blessed daughter to celebrate with all of her angels, including her Grandfather. When there is sadness, it really does help to count our blessings and celebrate! Enjoy this weekend and just HAVE FUN, LAUGH and LOVE! xoxo

    • Lynda you are totally right. thank you so much for sharing that about your daughters baptism on the anniversary of your Father’s death. It is a really great way to look at it! You always have such a positive attitude. You are an amazing woman. Looks like February is big for both of us! ;) then again I have followed in your footsteps alot over the years. You are my “big sister” you know ;)And you are right, it’s important to count your blessings, and I really do try.

  12. Jen,

    What a sweet blog. You’re a wonderful person with so much love in your heart. Have a very happy Valentine’s Day. I hope it’s as special as the two others you mention.

    Love,

    Marie

  13. I can’t imagine how you feel but those are great memories. Thank you for sharing. I hope next Valentine’s Day you both get to take your new baby out to dinner with you =)

  14. Thnx for sharing the story Jen. I’m sure you guys will succeed one day soon, and when you do, it will be amazing!

    And for now, it’s great to just be with your best friend, who will always be there for you.

    Happy Anniversary!

  15. Hey Jenn- It will get easier as time passes on. I can only imagine how you feel because I’ll be there at the end of August. I just miscarried twins 3 weeks ago and would’ve been due on 8/21. First pregnancy too :( Happiness always trumps saddness. As much as I’ve been having my moments and am allowing myself to experience them…. my spirit is a happy one and I would never want to fully loose touch of that. I try to focus on the things I am greatful for and hope that someday soon we will be blessed again. Happy Valentine’s Day Sweetie!!

    Melisa

  16. Sending you a giant hug…thinking of lots this weekend. Hope you can take the time to celebrate the special relationship that you guys have…you’re both so lucky to have one another.

  17. I know how you feel….I have had 3 miscarriages…One of my miscarriages, I miscarried close to may, and my 3rd miscarriage I was due in may….mothers day..OF ALL MONTHS!! and next month..my 1st miscarriages…my due date is NEXT month…my 2nd miscarriage my due date was in dec and my 3rd in may, like I said…so I know what it is like..and STILL NO BABY! It is so rough..and I am so very sorry sweetie. Hang in there. If you ever need to talk, I am here for you!! *HUGE HUGS*

    • You’ve gone through so much and I am so sorry. I hate to know that there are others that know what I am going through because it’s just such a horrible thing. I hope we both get our babies soon **Hugs!**

  18. I am so sorry to hear this – I am a firm believer that the man upstairs has a plan. Sometimes, if it’s not what we want at the time, it’s so hard to understand…

    Hugs to you.
    xoxo

    • although its hard I do remind myself that the big guy does have a plan like you said. It is VERY hard to understand sometimes..but I guess its not my place to wonder…I just have to have faith…so I try..lol Thank you for your kind words!

  19. I’m so sorry you’re having to struggle this week. That balance, and finding the right way to navigate it, can be so challenging that it’s downright heartbreaking. I think it’s amazing that you are trying to focus on the happiness outweighing the pain- your post shows the love that the two of you have and I hope you had a wonderful day today. (hug)

    • Thank you so much. It definitely is a balance, and I do try to focus on the positives..writing posts like these reminds me how lucky I am , and how much happiness I do have.

  20. I’ve had 2 and it’s normal and good to grieve. I think too many women feel they just have to move on and act like it was no big deal.

    Although the baby may not have been far along in your tummy, your hopes and dreams were very far along and looked like they were coming true.

    I’m glad your being open and honest about your feelings of loss, and happy for you that you have so many other blessing to count.

    • I’m so sorry to hear that you had 2..it’s just horrible. I agree. I feel women who suffer loss (especially early on) are made to feel that they have to move on and be happy..but I think it’s ok to reflect and be sad sometimes. And you said it great here..it was the hopes and dreams that I lost too:( Thank you so much for your comment.

  21. Jen, I am so sorry to read of your loss and sorrier that you had to endure it. I was blessed with two children here in “real time” and two that I miscarried. Time does ease the pain, but when it happened I just couldn’t read the sympathy cards that arrived but instead put them away. I found them months later when I was cleaning and it was time to deal and move on. I cried, I was depressed, and now and then I think how different my life would be with two more children in the house. Certainly a different experience from your own and really no comparison – but I pray that you will have the family you hope for and without the pain and worry of “what if.” hugs and best wishes to you

    • I am so happy to hear your story had a happy ending. I hope that someday too I can look back on this time..with a child in my arms and reflect. I know I will get there someday (or I hope) but now it seems so far away. Thank you so much for the comment and the hugs.

  22. Jen- sorry for your loss…I know exactly what you are going through. We suffered our first miscarriage last June and had the same diagnosis of blighted ovum. It’s devastating and heart wrenching but I know it in my heart not to give up . Please know you are not alone. I will be praying for you and the other ladies out there who share the same dreams of being a mom. Keep the faith and thank you for sharing your story.

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