Our Loss: Now Truly Over

I am finally at peace…well sort of. My husband and I went to the doctor yet again yesterday. We entered knowing that either way the physical aspects of this pregnancy would be over. One of Two things could happen…I would have a sonogram and the medicine would have worked and the fluid would be gone…or I would have to go through a D&C. I was really hopeful that I passed the fluid on my own, but unfortunately luck was not in my favor and I had to go through the D&C.

My husband and I chose not to have me go through the D&C originally for many reasons. The main one for me is that procedures terrify me. I am a horrible patient and I was hoping to deal with the miscarriage in the comforts of my own home. But unfortunately we had to roll with the punches and have the D&C yesterday…we really had no other choice. The procedure itself was pretty quick. My husband was asked to leave, and I was left by myself. The doctor was really nice and answered all of my questions, although I had a ton, and when he saw how nervous I was, he offered to have me have the procedure in the hospital under anesthesia. I think that is the way most people have it to minimize the pain. But I was already at the doctors and I was just ready to be done with it all. I did not want to deal with scheduling and pre op and then the actual procedure. I had entered that office knowing whatever way it went it would be done that day. So that’s what I did. I underwent the procedure. I will spare you the details. It was by no means pleasant, but now it’s done. I decided yesterday after the procedure that I would check out mentally for the evening and took the oxycodone prescribed by the doctor for pain. I i laid on the couch with my feet up and relaxed.

I honestly feel at peace at this point. I am very happy to know that it’s over, that I can now move on. Some may ask me if looking back if I am happy with our original decision to take the medication rather then have the D&C from the start. My answer would be yes…I think I am still happy with the decision. Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda right? You can’t live your life thinking “what if”. I do know, that if everything had worked out and at my first follow up appointment everything was gone then I know I had made the right decision. But who would’ve thought I would be that very small percentage that the medication didn’t fully work on??

Soon this will all be but a memory. My husband and I are left to fully heal now. I am ready.

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