 After the Alter is a blog about my "life after the alter" meaning after being married, and the changes that go with it. I love being married, and here I share stories of my life as I learn how to be the best wife I can be and all my crazy thoughts along the way.
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This weeks story is from a Twitter friend of mine @PlaiduhPus Who’s blog is of the same name! PlaiduhPus I was so happy when she sent me her story for this weeks Story To Tell Saturday. This story is really about Fate, and how sometimes we all just need someone else to believe in us. Here’s her story…
“My Version of Pretty Woman”
Joseph (DH) and I met when I was 21 and he was 22. At the time he was putting himself through grad school to be an aerospace engineer and I was happily working my way up through the ranks at a successful credit card company. We’d both suffered from unhealthy relationships in the past and around the same time in 2006, we gave up on love and romance…almost entirely. We both had dreams of settling down and raising a family but somewhere along the way I’d lost sight of that dream and had settled into bad habits and bad relationships. By the time I was 21 I didn’t recognize the person I was anymore and though I knew I still wanted to fall in love one day and marry a good man, I very much doubted a good man would want me…a woman with so many skeletons in her closet. Reluctantly, I joined an internet match making service in Autumn 2006. I didn’t anticipate any bites and after a few months stopped checking my emails. But in late January 2007, I pulled up my account to see if I’d recieved any “winks” or “smiles”. Much to my surprise, I had…just one. A smile from a good looking guy about 30 minutes away. That man was Joseph.
We fell for each other very quickly. It was the first time either of us had found someone who wanted all the same things in life and had all the same priorities. But only 5 months into our whirlwind love affair, the issues of my past crept back into my thoughts and I decided to run away from our relationship. I was insecure and didn’t feel good enough for him. He was an engineer and would one day be wildly successful. I on the other hand had next to nothing to offer. I barely graduated high school and came from a very broken home. I’d been reckless and foolish through my teen years. But he seemed so near perfect it was sickening. I thought breaking up with him would be the best thing for him. Like I was somehow doing him a favor. So I made up my mind to throw away the best thing that had ever happened to me: our love.
However…FATE had another idea. At the time I didn’t know I had PCOS but I had been told by several OBGYN’s since I was a teenager that conception would be difficult for me. I trusted Joseph completely so during the course of our relationship I didn’t use any birth control. And the week before I was set to move several states away from Joseph and start a new life, I recieved the best news anyone could ever ask for…I was pregnant. The conception of our daughter grounded me and proved to me that when love comes for you, even if you think you don’t deserve it, you should never push it away. Joseph always believed in our love and believed in me…he just needed a little extra help convincing me that I was worth loving…he got that help in the form of Abbi, our daughter. And every day since has been a lesson in life, love and moving on. It’s a long, hard journey, and sometimes I still look at Joseph and think, “Wow…what does this guy see in me?” But Joseph is always quick to remind me that it doesn’t matter where I’ve been, what I’ve done, or who I THINK I am…all that matters is who I really am deep down…the me he sees…the me he and Abbi are teaching me to see.
Thank you Tamera for sharing your story, and thank you all who have submitted stories to be included in future Story To Tell Saturday’s. I am looking for great stories about marriage. The REAL marriage. Meaning stories about date nights, and anniversaries, fights, and making up. To read more about what I am looking for, and the story behind this new segment, check out the original post here!
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We have winner for the Circle and Bloom IPOD shuffle Giveaway!!!
Lucky number 87 is the winner! And yes…yet again I counted 87 comments down. (I am still hoping someone out there can tell me about a plug in that will number my comments!)
The winner is Marianna! I will be contacting her directly.
Thank you so much to everyone who participated and followed. I truly appreciate it!
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I have always wanted to get a portrait done of my little dog Tinkerbell. She has been such a HUGE part of my life, I thought it was only fitting to get drawn so that she can live forever. Well The Captain nixed that idea because he said he wasn’t paying all that money to get it done. I did convince him once to allow Tinkerbell to get professional portraits taken by a pet photographer, but at that time we were lucky enough to find a woman who was building her pet portfolio so the cost was pretty cheap. So that left me with no Tinkerbell Portrait…that is till now!
I recently was reading blogs, and stumbled upon Coleen of Muralmaker1 . I was very impressed with her work, and decided to contact her to see if we can do a little bartering. I asked her if she would do a portrait of my Tinkerbell in return for ad space on my blog…and she said YES! I was so excited to get this done. All I had to do was send her some pictures of Tinkerbell. I decided to just do a head shot, so I sent her what I had. And look what she came up with! Yes folks that little dog in the picture above is my little Tinkerbell. It may be hard to see it but the attention to detail is amazing! Every little whisker is accounted for, and she really captured the color and look of her eyes. You can tell that she is my little Diva just by looking at them! I can’t wait to get it in a frame (I have to find the perfect one) and display it in my home.
Colleen also does a bunch of other artistic things that I find very interesting. She makes murals, that one could put up in a nursery, and has them sent to you! This way they aren’t drawn on your wall, and you can put it up and take it down at will! How cool is that?
What is even better is that she offers a registry program! How fun! You can contact her, tell her what you want, and then other people can buy it for you! I think it’s a wonderful gift idea for anyone having a baby. Your nursery will be the talk to all your friends. (hey I even want one and I don’t have a kid yet!)
It’s not just nurseries…she does Wall Murals , Painted Tapestries , Accessories , Kids , and of course Pets !
She is a wonderful lady and great to work with. You can contact Colleen at muralmaker1@gmail.com . Or you can click on her button that appears on my right sidebar! She’s one of my newest advertisers! Another fun way to follow her work is through her blog! She talks about some really cool things over there. I hope you check it out! I know I certainly love my portrait!
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This Wifey 101 post is for the men. That’s right, I have male readers out there…so I figure I will write this one for you. This post is in honor of Captain Awesome. He is the king of wishing that I will just forget about things, and that they will go away. But amazingly enough they don’t. And it seems the more he just ignores the issues, or ignores something that he has to do…the more angry and obnoxious I get when it comes to reminding him and bringing it up again. So men read this part loud and clear…Ignoring it will not make it go away!
One of my pet peeves is when I ask The Captain to do something…or if there is something that is “his job” that he should do , and he doesn’t do it. And then I remind him to do it, or ask him to do it…and yet again he doesn’t do it. Then…I say it again. What happens then? He gets all angry and frustrated and makes ME feel like that NAGGING WIFE! What is that about? If you just did it the first time, or with out me asking you then I wouldn’t have to say anything at all!
What brought on this post you ask? Well The Captains smelly fish tank. He insists on having this ridiculously large fish tank. He loves it. Whatever…but if he is going to have it then he has to take care of it. (I feel like I’m talking to a 5 year old) This tank sits in the front room of our house, meaning the room that people see right when they walking the door. He never cleans it…that is until it gets smelly and makes my house stink. This is when I have to tell him to clean it, that it’s gross to have a smelly house. And it is gross! Who wants a smelly house? Especially one from a dirty fish tank?? Not this girl! I kept reminding him that he needed to buy this hose type thing to clean it, because he was always borrowing his friends. So I would ask him…did you buy it? No…then a week would go by…did you buy it? No…then, my house started smelling and he got all pissy when I told him about it and that he had to go after work to get the hose to clean it. Like it’s my fault you waited???
It goes beyond chores too. He doesn’t like to fight with me. Which can be a good thing. He knows how to calm me down. But I honestly believe he thinks that if he just ignores me the problem will go away. You’d think after 9 years of being together that he’d get the fact that it NEVER goes away. Especially if I am really upset about something…it will bubble and boil inside till I just about explode. And exploding Jen is much worse than the I’m upset Jen. If you give me enough time to fester and get more mad what do you expect? Remember my post about the marriage ref? And the term Kitchen Sinking it? Well that’s exactly what happens then. All the stuff that is inside comes out at once. Now, does anyone really want that?
Bottom line? Communication is key in any relationship. Ignoring something WILL NOT make it go away. So men…learn from this. A smaller fight now is much better than a big blow out in the future. And keep in mind that you will not have a nagging wife if you just do it the first time?! The concept really isn’t that hard. And what is more amazing is doing it with out having to be asked at all. That is a wife’s dream come true! So think it through…it’s not rocket science. If men are logical creatures why can’t they figure this out?? Hmmmm now that is the question of the day!
Photo courtesy © Tino Tedaldi/cultura/Corbis
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This contest was a HUGE success! Thank you so much for all of you who entered, and followed!
And our winner is…….
Don’t worry I won’t make you count out 58 comments..lol…it was a tough feat (my theme doesn’t have numbered comments, but if you know how I get it let me know!)
The winner is Carma! Congratulations! I hope you enjoy your products! I know I have been enjoying them and am so happy that I’ve found the Votre Vu line.
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I am super excited to announce that I really have been taking my food revolution seriously. I talk about and propose a lot things, and don’t actually go through with them. But this time I am happy that I was motivated enough to make a change in my life, and that I’m bringing the Captain along with me! I spoke the other week about the Great Purgeof the items I had in my kitchen. It took a little while but alot of the bad stuff is gone! When it was time to start replenishing my food items, we decided that we would go to our local Trader Joe’s and see what they have to offer in terms of food items, as well as price. I wanted to show The Captain that my choices aren’t going to cost us an arm and a leg…and I really think I did that!
The main thing I wanted to focus on first was the meats. After seeing all those videos about the chickens and what actually is being put into my meat I thought that was a great place to start. So I have been insisting that we buy free range and hormone free/natural meat. I will admit that the meats were more expensive than what I could get at a standard grocery store, but I am finding it to be totally worth it! (not to mention I have found other ways to save..more on that later) The chicken was sooo tender and so much less fat on it! I bought some sirloin steak filets…and they were so yummy!
I was amazed when I saw the price of the cage free eggs at Trader Joes. Compared to the “Nature’s Promise” brand at stop and shop they were so much less expensive! Actually the eggs in general there were rather cheap…so the cage free eggs were about the same price as the regular eggs from stop and shop! I thought that was a huge score.
The Captain and I LOVE frozen pizza. But we bought pizza dough ($.99), pizza sauce ($1.49), and mozzarella cheese (natural cheese $2.65) and The Captain made us an amazing pizza! It was so yummy! When we made it a 2nd time I added pepperoni to my side, and garlic and onions to his. It was definitely a healthy, and cheaper alternative. When we had it the 2nd time I just had to buy more dough because we still had pizza sauce and cheese left over. Score!
Earlier I said that I found other ways to save money to make up for the more expensive meats…well I did! Everyone that commented before was right. If you cut out the processed foods, (or buy less of them in my case) you really can save money! For example. I used to love the Uncle Ben’s 90 second rice. It was good and easy. Each bag I would say is about $2.69…well at Trader Joe’s I bought this organic Jasmine brown rice from Thailand. A nice size bag was $3.35. And so far, I have cooked rice for about 4 meals and it barely looks like I’ve made a dent in the bag! I make up for the extra meat costs just in not buying the Uncle Ben’s rice! Cool huh?
All of this makes me excited. It makes me happy to know that I am making a change, and in my own small way I am telling those big, bad and mean chicken and beef farmers out there that I’m not going to take their crappy meats no more! How are you doing with all this? Have you joined in on my food revolution?
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Woo hooo! We have a winner for the Fertilaid Giveaway! Thank you so much to everyone who entered! I really appreciate it!
Without further ado….the winner is…..Lucky number 7! I think this is a sign that month 7is a lucky month for me too! (ok, ok, I know this contest isn’t about me…but whatever…I’m reaching at straws here folks!)
And who’s number 7??? It’s commenter Kai! Kai I will be contacting you directly.
If you didn’t win, please remember that Fertilaid is offering 10% to my readers if you use the promo code NEWYEARSAVING. So be sure to get yourself some fertilaid products!
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 I am not big into gambling or anything, and I have no idea if the number 7 is in fact lucky, but for the sake of sanity, I have decided that it IS lucky! What am I feeling lucky about you ask? Well my 7th month of TTC of course. Yup, unfortunately month number 6 was a bust. It sucks, but life goes on.
This month my body played tricks on me more than usual. It was the worst. The nasty bitch AF showed up a day and a half late. Yes, you heard correct. This girl who runs like clockwork, got to experience the thrill and excitement of believing that I MAY be pregnant for a day and a half! I swore not to test till the day I was due, but failed the afternoon before. BIG FAT NEGATIVE! It’s so hard to look at a negative pregnancy test. But I have heard stories of late implanters, and therefore levels aren’t high enough to show up on a HPT, so I kept hope.
I even kept hope 3 HPT later. All of them telling me I wasn’t pregnant. But AF still hadn’t showed up so I let my mind wander to the “what ifs”. I thought this could be it! But of course it wasn’t. AF showed up, and I was sad. Actually, I think I took it pretty well. It was heartbreaking due to the fact that I got my hopes up this time, but I also have been feeling some new confidence with all the things I am doing to help me along.
I went to Acupuncture this past week and I was told that it could affect my cycle. I guess that explains the lateness. But I am feeling pretty good about it! My acupuncturist sounds pretty confident and I am doing a bunch of extra things to bring up my body temperature. All that along with my bad ass Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor, I think it should all work out. Not to mention my dad evoked his shillelagh. Which is an old family Irish Walking stick that he brings out when he wants something to happen really bad. Don’t worry. He doesn’t take it likely, and only will bring it out as a last resort. I think last time was for my husband to pass the bar exam, and that worked, so I know this will too!
So life moves on as usual. I will continue to do what I am doing and hope and pray for the best. I made an appointment to see my OB since I need to have my regular 6 month appointment anyway. But I will also be happy to speak with him about what is going on. I don’t think I am ready for extra measures. But I will speak to him to confirm. So lucky #7 here we come!!! Wish us luck!
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Since I was little I have always wanted to be famous, and have always dreamt of being an actress. I mean hasn’t everyone practiced an Oscars acceptance speech? No? Just me? Well since this is MY blog, I feel like this is the perfect place to bust it out!
Oh my goodness! (showing much surprise) I can’t believe it! I know that I am supposed to be calm, cool and collected up here, but never in my wildest dreams could I ever dream that I would win…I mean wow…I don’t even have anything planned. Well that’s really not true…I wrote a little something down…
I first and foremost would like to thank my husband. He has always mocked my singing, and pretty much all my stories about my years in high school and community theater. Thank you sweetheart for always believing in me. I could never have done it with out you!
Next I would like to thank my parents. They drove me to play practice, and acting class, and singing lessons, and performances….well to just about everything my whole life. But when I asked to get an agent at about the age of 15 they told me NO WAY and that I had to wait till I could drive into NYC myself to get an agent. Amazingly enough I never did. I also would like to thank my dad specifically for mocking my audition for a community theater musical back when I was in high school. I think it was then and there that my singing stage fright began. So for that I thank you!
But most of all I’d like to thank my little Tinkerbell for always believing in me. She’s my biggest fan! I wouldn’t have made it with out her constant support!
Thank you, goodnight and enjoy your martooni’s!!!
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aI have been very excited about the response I have been getting for my Story To Tell Series. I love to read about your life, and your marriage too, and I think my readers will agree. The first story I want to share is from Lisa, who’s blog is Waiting Lisa . Lisa is 31 and has been trying to have a baby since she was 24. When I read this post it brought tears to my eyes, and I really wanted to share it. I was so happy when Lisa gave me permission to post this. I asked for people to send original posts, but I think this one says so much about her experience, her marriage, and her husband. You can see the original post at Waiting Lisa . This couple knows the true meaning of the vows “for better and for worse” and ”in sickness and in health”.
Adam
Adam pointed out I wrote a post about loving my mom and even one about loving our cat Brinkley, but I have never written about him. I have thought about writing about him many times. Especially about how supportive he has been through everything. It just feels like such a big post that I kept putting it off.
I have been on a lot of different hormones through the years and it wasn’t easy on him or me. I got sick from many of them and he always took care of me. When he had to give me shots, he did it like it was no big deal. He took off from work and sat in the hospital all day everytime I had to have surgery. He went to every single RE appointment we had. He went to countless OB/GYN and oncologist appointments, procedures, biopsies, etc.
The time I had an allergic reaction to the fertility meds and ended up hemorrhaging blood, he took me to the hospital and never flinched at all the blood. It was a lot and it was everywhere. (I ended up losing half of all the blood in my entire body.) He stayed with me the whole time and was calm about it. He acted like it wasn’t embarrassing. (Trust me, it was.) I had to be hospitalized for 3 days and he stayed with me the entire time. He is 6′ 6″ and slept in a chair next to my bed.
When we got married, we laughed at the vows in sickness and health and for richer or poorer. We already knew all about sick and poor. (We actually made up our own vows that we said to each other right before walking down the aisle.) It takes some couples a lifetime to go through all the bad stuff we experienced before we were even married. It was enough to make any sane person want to run away, but he stuck by me. Always there for me and always taking care of me.
I can’t wait to see Adam as a father. He had a rough childhood. A lot of people have said to me that they can’t believe what a great person Adam turned out to be considering how his parents are. He is going to be the kind of father his father never was. He has already been reading baby books and talking about all the things he wants to do with our children. I know it’s not the same, but seeing the way he is with our cats really shows me what kind of father he is going to be. We took a baby care class together and watching him swaddle a baby doll and learn how to change a diaper made me fall in love with him even more.
I love that we have the same feelings on politics and religion. I know it works for some couples to be opposites, but for me it’s important that we have the same basic beliefs. Our love for animals, taking care of the environment, gay rights, etc. There are a few basic things that I am very passionate about and he is just as passionate about it as I am. I love that.
The thing I love most about Adam is that I can completely be myself with him. We have so much fun together. We make up songs, dances, and jokes. Silly stuff that only the two of us would think is funny. We laugh a lot. I never have to worry about how I act. I am completely myself. He’s seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. He has unconditional love for me.
When we found out I needed a hysterectomy, he immediately was fine with it. He made it clear I did not need to worry about him in the decision. He is completely happy with our decision to adopt. He said he honestly didn’t even want to risk a pregnancy with me. Nothing is normal with my body and he was worried a pregnancy might end with me hemorrhaging and dying. He was always afraid of something happening to me. He was more than happy to say goodbye to the thing trying to kill me. It really helped me to know I didn’t need to worry about how I was letting him down by not being able to give birth to our children. He continues to remind me of that.
Now don’t get me wrong, we fight. Sometimes a lot. We are both very stubborn and have no problem finding things to fight about. We have been together 9 years and we have had plenty of bad fights.
But, he is absolutely the love of my life and I have no doubt we are meant to be together. I feel lucky to have found him. I know we are a team. Everything we have been through has just made us stronger.
Thank you for letting me share this Lisa!
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