Ahhh men and women…Mars and Venus. It is totally amazing how people can be so different. Just one little difference in chromosomes puts a man and a woman on opposite sides of the spectrum in so many cases. I am no way an expert on marriage, especially considering I have only been married for over 1 year…but I do feel that after 8 1/2 years of being in a relationship I have learned something. Therefore, I am starting a segment I like to call Wifey 101. Every once in a while there a tiny moment when a light bulb flashes in my head and I say…AHA! I totally understand where my husband is coming from. Those moments are sometimes few and far between, but when they come I feel like I should make a note of them for future reference. My blog will be my reference, and I hope a reference to you, my readers.
The first segment I am calling “Ask and ye shall receive”. It is a very simple concept, yet for some reason us women have such a hard time doing it. What is it you ask? Asking for help. We just don’t do it! I think the interaction in the movie The Break Up says it best. The main character Brooke is upset that her boyfriend doesn’t help her with the dishes. They argue and finally she says “I want you to WANT to do the dishes!” and his response is “Why would I WANT to do the dishes?” Does this fight sound familiar? I know it does in my house. I am sure most women can relate to wanting her man to want to help out and to do things with out being asked…but I gotta tell you that I honestly don’t believe it’s in their genes. Are there men that will?? Yes of course! Women who have those men…praise the lord for it because there aren’t many!
So here is what I have learned. It is amazing how much help your man will give you if you only ask for it. That’s right. In most cases all you have to do it ask. Will my husband clean up the kitchen on his own?? Nope! But I have learned that if I ask him to do so he will. Will it ever be his idea to vacuum??? Nope, pretty much never…but if I ask he certainly will. I know I know..many of you think that it’s not fair that we have to ask the men to do things, and it’s true. No one has to ask me to make dinner or do the laundry…but the way I see it is…it is what it is.
We could all do the girl thing forever…you know the girl thing. Just sit there and hope that your man knows exactly what you want him to do….and when he doesn’t, be angry about it. I have been trying to do that less. After 8 1/2 years I have realized that my husband just doesn’t get it. So here is some homework. If there is something you want your guy to do just ask him! Is it as good as having him decide to do it on his own?? No…but is it better than sitting there angry wishing he would just do it? YES!
I hope you enjoyed the first post in the segment I call Wifey 101. Us women have to stick together and share our knowledge of the male species. So please feel free to share your experiences by commenting…and if you are a blogger and would like to do a guest post and post about something you’ve learned then please contact me!
Actually when a woman asks and expects you to do something, it’ll only make me want to do it less. Especially when its something that women are supposed to do like laundry and dishes, cooking cleaning etc. Now if she said can you do something about the leaves in the yard, wash my car, something of that nature I could see myself begrudgingly doing it.
I will on occasion vacuum because I hate filth. But dishes and laundry don’t ever ask me!
Sometimes I mow the lawn. Sometimes he does the dishes. Sometimes he helps with laundry. Sometimes I trim the hedges.
Yes, we both have in our heads what’s my job and what’s his job. But, if one of us really needs help, the other one helps.
It’s OUR house. We want it to be nice, so we have the same goal. I guess the only issue would be to keep balanced, and not take advantage of each other.
Gotta love my husband…..Am I lucky or what?? YOu better believe I am going to ask for the leaves to be rakes and my car washed often!!
Heh Vincent is funny. Our house would fall apart if we had our jobs divided by gender. I do a lot of home repair stuff and Matt does do the dishes on occasion. With baby #2 on the way the only way the house is going to be half way decent is if Matt helps out with ‘my’ chores.
I was just thinking I would probably be happier doing more of the stuff around the house and wouldn’t expect Matt to help out as much if I wasn’t working full-time. There is no way, no how, I am going to work full-time and come home and do all the cleaning and cooking and kid stuff while he sits on the couch relaxing O_O
I agree with you Sol..If my job in the household was as a stay at home mom or wife, then I would do the household chores with no complaints (or not many) my mom stayed home and did all taht stuff for years. But if two people are working then two people need to take care of the house…just like Mrs. M said…it’s “OUR” house.
I am not sure how I feel about this one. I happen to be one of those guys who clean, cook, do the loundry and dishes. However, i also happen to work alot, and sometimes (summer months when wife does nothing) when i get home from a long day at work, the last thing i want to do is any of the above.
I guess what i am trying to say is, i think the work load should be devided (not always evenly); both should be considerate of the other and pick up some extra dutties if necesary.
I am however not the handy man fix it yourself kind of guy who can fix stuff when it breaks. That is not my trait nor will it ever be.
P.S. I meant what i said last time, I do demand, looking good and shaved legs from the wife…… I never said i was perfect!!!
I have definitely had that fight before. So I thought about trying a chore chart – or a “honey do” list. Nothing has really worked in our two year marriage – we always argue about who has to clean up something. UGH!
We really divided up the chores based on outdoor/indoor before I became ill. Now, it is based on upstairs/downstairs because I have a difficult time with the steps LOL. In addition- just wait till you have teens- they can do A LOT 😉