Today I was inspired by a post from To Love Honor and Vacuum. Every Wednesday is wifey Wednesday (yes I know it’s Friday) but this week the question was brought up “what I wish I had known before I was married”. This got me thinking…so here is something that I was happy I knew before I got married rather than something I wish I knew…but it’s the same idea…
Girl talk consists of talking about pretty much anything and everything….homes, children, weddings, beauty, sex and probably most of all MEN! We each tell stories of the men in our life, (or the men we’d like in our life) as well as share stories about people we know and their relationships. It’s just what we do…we are women! But more recently, I have been hearing from people who are shocked or hurt by something their boyfriend/fiancé/spouse did or said, and I feel that this is a great platform to offer some advice that I learned. WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET!
Men Are Simple
Some may find this funny, but before getting married I read a book by Dr. Robin Smith (a regular on Oprah) called “Lies at the Alter: The Truth About Great Marriages”. I am certainly not a “self help” book person, but I was curious after seeing this woman on the Oprah show. The book was ok, but I took one major thing from this book, and that is when it comes to marriage “what you see is what you get”. I think this is probably the best and simplest advice that could be given to anyone thinking about getting married or who is married. Who your spouse is before you marry them is who they are. They may change a little over time, meaning grow up or mature, but the basic values of who they are will remain the same.
I am not saying this is any excuse for treating someone in your life bad, but what I am saying is that the way they treat you before getting married is pretty much how you will be treated after. Also, any vices they have before will probably carry over to your future.
For example…my husband is a wonderful man, and I love him to death. One of the things that brought us together in college was that we both enjoyed a good party. He knows how to have a good time and I love that about him…fast forward 8 years and he still is the life of the party. Has he matured….of course…but to think that when the weekend comes along that he won’t want to relax and have a good time with friends, would just be trying to make him into someone he is not.
Going into a relationship or marriage hoping that the person will change makes no sense. You should love the one you are with for who they are, not for who you want them to be. And if you think a person’s basic personality or belief will change, then you are looking toward a life of disappointment.
Now that I have stepped down off my soap box I am curious to see what others think about this issue. Alright! Let’s share! For you married ladies out there what advice do you have?