Comments on: Marriage Advice From The Future http://afterthealter.com/marriage-advice-from-the-future-2/ My Life as a Mrs. Fri, 11 May 2012 13:23:02 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: MC http://afterthealter.com/marriage-advice-from-the-future-2/comment-page-1/#comment-611 MC Sat, 04 Jul 2009 14:35:20 +0000 http://afterthealter.com/?p=992#comment-611 Tips to save marriage relationship are as follows. If your marriage is in crisis, don’t show your partner that you’re panicking. Showing desperation will make them feel suffocated and will push him or her even further away. Never beg or plead with your partner to get them to return. You’ll then feel humiliated when they don’t respond to your pleas and feel your self esteem drop. If they want space, give them space. Spend time doing those things that make you feel strong and good about yourself. If your partner is aggressive towards you, do not lash out in return. Be calm and in control and if you portray this attitude, you will begin to feel this attitude. Finally and most importantly, you have to realize that you have a choice. Either reacts to the situation you’re in or change your behavior! Don’t focus on trying to change your partner’s behavior but focus on changing yours. Tips to save marriage relationship are as follows. If your marriage is in crisis, don’t show your partner that you’re panicking. Showing desperation will make them feel suffocated and will push him or her even further away. Never beg or plead with your partner to get them to return. You’ll then feel humiliated when they don’t respond to your pleas and feel your self esteem drop. If they want space, give them space. Spend time doing those things that make you feel strong and good about yourself. If your partner is aggressive towards you, do not lash out in return. Be calm and in control and if you portray this attitude, you will begin to feel this attitude. Finally and most importantly, you have to realize that you have a choice. Either reacts to the situation you’re in or change your behavior! Don’t focus on trying to change your partner’s behavior but focus on changing yours.

]]> By: Melissa Multitasking Mama http://afterthealter.com/marriage-advice-from-the-future-2/comment-page-1/#comment-551 Melissa Multitasking Mama Fri, 19 Jun 2009 23:04:40 +0000 http://afterthealter.com/?p=992#comment-551 Nik-sorry you took offense but I was pretty clear that what I was writing did not apply to abusive situations. Sorry if you misunderstood. I approach the "putting your spouses needs before your own" as an act of selfless love and thankfully I am married to someone that puts my needs first- a winning situation and the way I believe marriage was designed to work. Nik-sorry you took offense but I was pretty clear that what I was writing did not apply to abusive situations. Sorry if you misunderstood. I approach the “putting your spouses needs before your own” as an act of selfless love and thankfully I am married to someone that puts my needs first- a winning situation and the way I believe marriage was designed to work.

]]> By: Nik http://afterthealter.com/marriage-advice-from-the-future-2/comment-page-1/#comment-530 Nik Tue, 16 Jun 2009 19:50:32 +0000 http://afterthealter.com/?p=992#comment-530 I hear you on that, Jen. I do think divorce is a cop out for some. I guess the best thing is to take it (and life in general) one day at a time and do the best you can. That's all any of us can do! I hear you on that, Jen. I do think divorce is a cop out for some. I guess the best thing is to take it (and life in general) one day at a time and do the best you can. That’s all any of us can do!

]]> By: Jen http://afterthealter.com/marriage-advice-from-the-future-2/comment-page-1/#comment-529 Jen Tue, 16 Jun 2009 19:45:38 +0000 http://afterthealter.com/?p=992#comment-529 I agree with you Nik....there are some situations that are deal breakers and i certainly think that yours was a deal breaker! I had a friend in a similar situation and I am so happy she is out of that marriage. No one should have to live with that! I think what the guest poster was saying is for people who are going through a "rough" patch for whatever reason need to really think twice and put in an effort before throwing in the towel....Certainly not in any sort of emotional, physical or mental abuse from their partner should a person feel that they should "work it out". I agree with you Nik….there are some situations that are deal breakers and i certainly think that yours was a deal breaker! I had a friend in a similar situation and I am so happy she is out of that marriage. No one should have to live with that! I think what the guest poster was saying is for people who are going through a “rough” patch for whatever reason need to really think twice and put in an effort before throwing in the towel….Certainly not in any sort of emotional, physical or mental abuse from their partner should a person feel that they should “work it out”.

]]> By: Nik http://afterthealter.com/marriage-advice-from-the-future-2/comment-page-1/#comment-528 Nik Tue, 16 Jun 2009 19:09:59 +0000 http://afterthealter.com/?p=992#comment-528 I take a lot of offense to this. While I wholeheartedly agree that your marriage/relationship should take priority in your life, I don't agree that everything can be worked out. And I certainly don't think that you should "make your spouse’s needs more important than your own"—no one should take more priority to you than you. Of course, I'm with you about not throwing out the word "divorce" as a threat in an argument, I don't agree that all marriages can get through the bad times. I got divorced two years ago (I was only 27). If I hadn't made this very brave and difficult decision, I would still be living with a man who did drugs behind my back and invited hookers over when I wasn't home. I left my house with only what I could fit in my car and moved in with a friend. I lost everything—my husband, my home, my two dogs. Everything. It wasn't the easy way out. It was the most horrible thing I've ever been through in my life. That being said, I never, ever think, "Wow, I wish I was still in that relationship" or "Man, I wish I didn't have a wonderful boyfriend now." Marriage, and relationships, for that matter are not that cut and dry. While I applaud anyone for trying to help make the relationships of the world better, you are sharing advice based on YOUR MARRIAGE. Everyone's dynamic is different. You (all of you out there) are important people who deserve the best life you can have. It's up to you to figure that out and to be at peace with your choices. I take a lot of offense to this. While I wholeheartedly agree that your marriage/relationship should take priority in your life, I don’t agree that everything can be worked out. And I certainly don’t think that you should “make your spouse’s needs more important than your own”—no one should take more priority to you than you.

Of course, I’m with you about not throwing out the word “divorce” as a threat in an argument, I don’t agree that all marriages can get through the bad times. I got divorced two years ago (I was only 27). If I hadn’t made this very brave and difficult decision, I would still be living with a man who did drugs behind my back and invited hookers over when I wasn’t home. I left my house with only what I could fit in my car and moved in with a friend. I lost everything—my husband, my home, my two dogs. Everything. It wasn’t the easy way out. It was the most horrible thing I’ve ever been through in my life. That being said, I never, ever think, “Wow, I wish I was still in that relationship” or “Man, I wish I didn’t have a wonderful boyfriend now.”

Marriage, and relationships, for that matter are not that cut and dry. While I applaud anyone for trying to help make the relationships of the world better, you are sharing advice based on YOUR MARRIAGE. Everyone’s dynamic is different. You (all of you out there) are important people who deserve the best life you can have. It’s up to you to figure that out and to be at peace with your choices.

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