We Have A Bean!

Before I go any further I just want to ask that anyone I know in real life please do NOT post anything on facebook regarding what you read in this post. I wanted to share with my readers because they have been on this long journey with me. Thank you!

Well dear readers I have been keeping a secret from you, and I want to honestly say I am so so so sorry. You have no idea how much I wanted to share every minute of the last four weeks with you, but I hope you can understand why I didn’t. If you haven’t guessed by now I will put you out of your misery. My dear readers I am PREGNANT! That’s right, you read that correctly. I have come one step closer in my journey towards motherhood, and I couldn’t be any happier.

Most of you are aware that I suffered a miscarriage with my first pregnancylast July. It was an awful and horrible experience that no woman deserves to go through. I’d like to say that the experience has made me stronger, but most days I believe that it made me weaker. It broke a lot of my spirit, and the wonderful naivete that should be felt when you are pregnant. It made my hopes and dreams seem so unattainable, and as much as I tried not to, I really believe I put my life on hold. I was living my life just waiting for that miracle to happen for me again.

The good news is that I WAS blessed with a miracle again. On my 7th cycle post miscarriage I FINALLY got my big fat positive (BFP)! (I promise to share that story with you at another time) I always knew that it COULD happen each month, but as each month passed, my confidence that it WOULD happen got less and less. The horrible feeling when AF arrived each month is enough to drive any woman crazy, let alone one that suffered a loss. Each month I was reminded what was NOT in store in my future. Each months my dreams were shattered.

But not this time. This time April brought me good luck and a pee stick that read PREGNANT! Just seeing those words made me feel so many new emotions that I wasn’t sure how to feel them all. Especially since they were all coming at the same time! I was happy, scared, nervous, joyful, panicked and many other adjectives that seem to be fleeing from my brain right now. All I could think was “wow, here we go again!”

I decided to wait to spill the beans on my blog till after our first appointment. I knew that no matter what the outcome was, I would share it with you, but for myself I just needed to have that appointment. It made it more real.  To be honest, sometimes my readers have offered more support than people in real life because they knew exactly what I was feeling. It’s amazing how complete strangers can bring you so much comfort.. That’s why I am so excited to share this news with you now.

There is so much to share and tell and I promise to share it all. Don’t I always? The good, the bad and the ugly right? I just want to give each topic the time it deserves so I can tell it just right. But I will tell you this now. On Monday, at around 12:00 PM, Captain Awesome and I heard the strong little heartbeat of our amazing little miracle. We were in awe of the little flutter that we saw coming from our little bean. The doctor was happy and optimistic, and for now I feel like I can breath a semi sigh of relief. And that my friends feels amazing!

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