I am not one who asks for help easily. I am the type of person who feels like I should be able to do it all. I am home with my kids and therefore its my job to be able to handle it…but right now I’m not. I’m not doing a good job at just about anything. I’m not a good mom, not a good wife, not a good daughter, not a good friend and not a good member of this community. I don’t always excel at all but I do my best to excel at some, but these days as I have mentioned before my mind is elsewhere. The only difference is that on these last few weeks I have been forced to lean on others and as a result I am seeing how amazing it is. I am seeing that handling it doesn’t always have to be on me….and even though I am a SAHM it’s ok to accept help, because let’s be honest….I need it
I struggle with guilt because I feel I have been away from my kids more these last few weeks than ever. It is of course necessary and of course I know they will be fine, but I still struggle. Captain Awesome has stepped up in more ways then he knows. It’s hard to take over the job as captain of the ship when you have never had to. It’s a learning curve and he was thrown right in.
My mother in law, although working a full time job, has given so much of her time. The time I was most away happened to fall during a week she took off and I believe it had to happen that way because she helped me and The Captain out so much. Just knowing my kids were taken care of made a world of difference.
I have leaned on family before, but the big change has been asking others. Even when Tessa was a newborn I insisted on doing all classes with her and all school drop offs and pick ups. All with a crying nursing baby. These days I have found amazing neighbors and friends to help me. From the woman across the street who will watch and take care of my kids whenever I ask, to the neighbor who will take my son to and from the bus stop when my daughter is sick, to friends who help me with car pool to my sons activities even when I can’t return the favor right now. I am truly blessed.
They have always said it takes a village and that is so true. It’s amazing to learn that your village can be made up of so many amazing people too. So many have offered to help and it makes me realize what a great life I have here. The hard part is saying “yes” when that help is offered. I am learning that it’s necessary.