Tonight my son said “mommy…can I play with your hair” at bedtime, and when he said that I breathed a sigh of relief. See, he has always played with my hair. When he was littler he would do it when he got upset, tired or sad when I held him. Now, it’s more when we are cuddling or laying down, but more recently it has been less and less. I have been worried that he was over it, and I know that someday he will just stop. It’s OK…kind of…I’m just happy today isn’t the day this becomes one of our “lasts”. I never really thought about lasts until I read the poem in the picture at the top. I read it and cried. We always think about the “firsts” in our kids lives, but there are also so many lasts…and that is so sad. At least it is for me. I am lucky that I didn’t have time to dwell on this before, but now that I realize it I think about it all too much.
My son no longer has a wa wa . That thing was a huge part of his life for so long, and now he no longer has one. If you aren’t aware he dropped his wa wa in the toilet one morning and the rest is history (wa wa story here). I was so thankful it wasn’t a big ordeal, but now looking back I realize that I don’t even remember the night he had his wa wa for the last time??? He didn’t even know it was the last time that he would hold something so special. I had no idea that it would be the last night I would sneak into his room and pull it out of his mouth as to limit the damage to his teeth. How sad is that? That part of his life is gone forever….left only in my memory.
Tessa’s first year is passing in a blur. I am doing my best to not think about her lasts because I just don’t think I can bear it. It is much easier to focus on firsts. It’s best to think about things like “her first night in her crib” rather than the “last night she would sleep in my room”. Or, the first time in the regular bath rather than the last time in the infant tub. Soon we will come to the last night I nurse my daughter (around the year mark), and thinking about that time is so hard. If I think about it too much I vow to never stop nursing….not for her sake but for mine….so I put myself in check.
This post definitely isn’t meant to be a Debbie downer post (as I cry writing it!). I think it’s meant to be an eye opener. Reading that poem has reminded me even more than I already do to cherish the little things. I am a true believer that life is created in little moments, and those moments are fleeting when it comes to kids. With the lasts come new firsts and that is exciting. As a matter of fact experiencing so many new things and firsts is one of the best things about being a parent. So I am doing my best not to dwell on what’s ending, and focus on what is ahead. It’s hard….I love my babies so much and as they grow and need me for things less I get sad. But with that I rally and know we have so many new adventures ahead. So I say bring it….and enjoy it. I have to much to look forward to.