Let’s give some examples.

Example one:

It’s your friends birthday and you are out celebrating. You start feeling tired and find that another one of your friends is willing to give you a ride home. You tell your husband you’d like to go, and he says he wants to stay. You see he is having a good time, and feel like he shouldn’t have to leave because you want to….so you say….It’s fine if you stay…and he does.

Example Two:

Your Grandfather just died and you just returned from his funeral. You are very sad, but it’s your friends birthday so you decide to go out and celebrate with them. You realize you just aren’t having fun, and want to go home. You tell your husband you are ready to go and he says he wants to stay…you huff a bit…and when he asks if you care if he stays you say….No really it’s FINE…stay.

Do you see the difference? I am not sure why it’s a hard concept for men. Maybe it’s because women are more selfless beings and men are more selfish, but there has to be something in their heads that tells them when it’s really not FINE. My husband isn’t the best at getting the concept. My girlfriend next door jokes that she is going to have a code to help him out next time we are in a situation where it’s really not fine vs. when it really is.

Men may ask…but why don’t you just say that it’s not fine? Well I will give you a bit of a secret guys. Sometimes women just are tired of being the bitch. Sometimes we just wish you’d come to the decision yourselves. That what you want to do at that moment is just not fine, and we just want you to not think about yourselves for a second and to think about us.

My husband tells me I play Jedi mind games with him, and I honestly don’t think I am that hard to figure out. Maybe the “what goes around comes around” technique is appropriate…next time he is sick in bed…instead of offering him tea and such I will tell him…Hey, I think I’m going to go out with my friends…I just don’t feel like sitting in just because you are.  Do you think that will go over well?

I started this post with the idea that I wanted to tell women to just tell their husbands how they feel and not play those games. But it seems it didn’t turn out that way. I guess it just goes back to my previous wifey 101 post with the theme “I want you to WANT to do the dishes”. In this case we just WANT you to want to make the right choices…and that right choice is doing what we want/need you to do. A happy wife is a happy husband:)

When I was planning my wedding I had a vision of what I wanted to wear to my rehearsal dinner. It was a white flowy dress…and I found it! The problem with white dresses is that you need to wear something underneath them because they are very very see through…so I went on a hunt for a  nude or white slip that I could wear underneath…and can you believe it? I couldn’t find one! I went to department stores…and Victoria’s Secret and target, and kohls…I even had a woman who works at sears tell me that I could maybe find one in their catalog but they aren’t found in stores…and if they are they look like grandma slips. I found it amazing! My grandma or mom would never let me out of the house as a little girl with out a slip under my dress. I eventually found one…but it was certainly a search. For those who care I found it on a sale rack at Kohls…ONE! There was only ONE!

This is when I decided that I was going to bring back the slip! I guess one person can’t really start the movement but it’s a start. I own a bunch of slips and silk night gowns. I feel so pretty when I wear them under my clothes. I also LOVE to wear silky nightgowns to bed….now I know many women will say “but you don’t have kids…you can’t wear that around your kids” and my answer to that is I guess you are right…but for now…it makes me feel pretty…so I will continue to do so.

Victoria’s Secret is kind of an addiction for me. I know that the stuff is expensive…but I personally find their bra’s to be the most comfortable, and their undergarments to be the softest and silkiest. I do have one gripe though…their size system is awful! I am not sure who can fit in their size small nightgowns but it certainly isn’t me….but other than that their stuff makes me smile.

So ladies..It’s time to bring back the old school femininity that the women of years gone by had. They had silky thigh high stockings, and garters. They wore slips and camisoles beneath their clothes. Take it from me…it will make you feel extremely sexy. Go on…just try it! Let the slip movement begin!

Adult Responsibilities

So I jumped into the “grown up” world with both feet, and begun to take care of myself. This meant that I had to get furniture, and pay bills among many other things. I had to set up appointments to get cable, phone service and wait for deliveries. I had to make sure we had heat and electricity. I took care of all my banking and made sure I always had money in the bank. I had a system and it worked for many years.

Now, as a married woman of less than 1 year I find myself handing many of those jobs over to my husband. Now I don’t even have the patience to deal with customer service reps. If they call I just tell them to call back and talk to my husband. This isn’t the old me??? What happened to the independent woman I was/am??? Is it bad that I am happy that I don’t have to deal with many of those things anymore?

My Grandma’s Predicament

I always thought it was sweet when my grandma and grandpa would help each other with things. Even the small things like opening jars, or grabbing glasses out of the cupboards that my grandma couldn’t reach. After years and years of marriage they had a system, and it worked for them. I never really realized what my grandpa did for my grandma, and vice versa, until my grandpa died 3 years ago. My grandma was left struggling with many of the everyday tasks that he “just took care of”. I felt bad for her, and looked at my relationship and realized how already dependent I am on my husband. I have had him around in some capacity for 8 years now, and it sometimes scares me to realize how dependent on him I am already.

For instance, the cable company called yesterday with a deal for us. I listened to the man speak, and after some time I asked him if he could call back in 20 minutes when my husband came home so that it could be explained to him. I found myself not even wanting to deal with that aspect of the household. Why should I? He always does? I couldn’t be bothered with it. Opening jars? Well that’s just a given. I have this jar opening contraption that I used to use….now….I just decide that I will just wait till my husband comes home to open it. What’s the rush? Getting the mail….I never get it! My husband lived at home for many years and never got to “get the mail”. Now, he gets so excited to be able to get the mail that I just let him do it every day. So it just appears on my counter when he gets home. One time, when he was away for a bit, I just never went out to get the mail. Why should I? It just always shows up so I don’t have to remember?

Those are just a few examples, but as time goes on our roles as husband and wife seem more defined. Is this just part of marriage? Once you get married, is it ok to let go of some of the control? Am I less of an “Independent Woman” now that I am more inclined to let my husband take care of things? What are your experiences with this?

Eyebrow Waxing

It started with waxing. Ouch! Each time I would go, I would sit in the chair while the woman poured hot wax on my forehead, and proceed to rip my little hairs out in one swift motion. It was over pretty quickly, but I would be left with lovely red marks around the eyebrows. This would last a good while and would be rather embarrassing when seeing other people out. I ran into someone at the mall once and felt like I had to explain the red…to which the person responded with “ooooo ya, what’s that about??” Yes pretty embarrassing. Not only was I left with a red splotches around my eyebrows, I would break out!  I continued with that for many years.

Eyebrow Threading

That is till after college. Then, I heard about “threading”. For those of you who don’t know what that is, here is Wikipedia’s definition.

Threading is an ancient method of hair removal which originated in Persia spread to the Middle and Far East, and is now gaining popularity in Western countries. It is equally popular with both men and women in Arab countries.

Practitioners use a pure, thin, twisted cotton thread which is rolled over untidy hairlines, moustaches and so on, plucking the hair at the follicle level. Unlike tweezing where a single hair is pulled out each time, threading can remove an entire row of hair, resulting in a straighter line.

As the top layers of skin are not peeled or traumatized, threading is an alternative for those with sensitive skin or who use Retin-A, Accutane, and similar products^{[citation needed]}. However, it tends to be as or more painful than waxing. Hair removal lasts for about four to six weeks.

Ouch again! I heard of this method through friends. I found it to be a bit painful, almost as much as waxing, but this time I didn’t break out, and my eyebrows looked cleaner. It consisted of lying back in a chair, and then a woman took two pieces of twine and ripped out my eye brow hairs. I have no idea how the string does this, but it does…it’s a mystery.

Eyebrow Plucking

About a year ago my friend brought me to the mall where a woman she knows would give us a deal on eyebrow plucking. I have always hated plucking. I felt that each pull of the hair would make my stomach turn. It’s like minor torture if you ask me, but I know in my head that this method is the best way to shape your brows…so in the name of beauty I went for it. Boy did it hurt, but boy did my eyebrows look amazing. The woman charged me $15 which is a lot more than the $5 I pay for the threading, but that $15 price tag is so much less expensive than if I went to any other eyebrow “plucker”. Did you know they charge like $50! And that’s for a woman in the mall! This baffles me!

Do-It-Myself Eyebrows

So I thought, you know what? I can do this myself. So I got Tweezerman Tweezers. I read about them in a magazine so I went for it. I had no idea how many types there were! Slanted, straight or pointed, and they came in many colors and prints! Which to choose?? I went with a pink slanted pair. So I set off to tame my eyebrows on my own. When I would look close up, it was amazing how many little blonde hairs there were! I try. I try every day and somehow there is always a hair out of place! How can one keep on top of this? It is a daily job that I am not so sure I am good at.

So how do you do it? I never realized how obsessive I could become about this. The little hairs mock me daily. Alright ladies, it’s time to confess. What is your method to tame the madness?

Starting a Wine Club

We decided that one person would be the hostess and provide little munchies for us, and would choose an area of the world that we would feature each month. This month our hostess chose Italy (because that’s where she’ll be going on her honeymoon). For our group we chose to have 5 bottles of wine. We did 3 white and 2 red in which people volunteered to buy. We left it up to the individual which wine to buy.

I must say the night was a success! We had quality girl time and wine…what more could we ask for!? After each tasting we discussed what we liked about the wine, and after trying all the whites, then all the reds we chose a favorite of each. For the whites the favorite was one that was not labeled as any particular type of wine (i.e. pinogrigio, chardonnay). The group decided it tasted like a sauvignon blanc (yes our palettes are very refined). The red favorite was a funny story. One of the ladies had her husband pick up the bottle and did not inform him of our price range. He bought a rather expensive bottle, and as it turns out it unanimously was victorious! I normally would be the first to say price doesn’t matter when it comes to wines, but this one was very rich and tasty! In the future we are going to keep a wine journal and I can share the names of the winning bottles. This time, we just winged it!

In the future I hope we can bring the idea of wine club* even further. I figure some months we can meet at a restaurant/bar and try wines there, or in summer since we live near Long Island wine country we can take a bit of a field trip out there to go tasting. I really think that this idea will work…at least I hope so!

So what do you do with your girlfriends? What excuses do you use to gossip? Isn’t that what girl friends are for?

The Perfect Man

I believe this picture says it all. I am not sure men get the idea that women really are not that difficult to understand. We want love and affection, and to be appreciated…and maybe, just maybe to come home to dinner on the table, laundry done and a clean house that her husband took the time and energy to clean. And all of this done…without being asked!

Ok, ok I am living in a fantasy world. This man doesn’t exist, I got carried away, so let’s go back to the main point and that is to tell our men that we will do what we can around the house, but sometimes there are just some jobs that they are going to have to do to pitch in.

Man Jobs

I never thought I’d be this type of woman, but in my household I take on most of the household duties. Those being cleaning, laundry, cooking, dry cleaning, grocery shopping…OK well pretty much everything that needs to be done around the house. I don’t mind doing most of these jobs since I work from home, and some of them are just easy for me to get done with some of the extra time I have. Now that being said there are some jobs that I just refuse to do. I don’t care how dirty it gets, or how annoying it is, I just won’t do them because “it’s a man job!” My mom will sometimes complain when she has to take the garbage out, or carry the water bottle in to put on the cooler. My response is just don’t do it…”it’s a man job”. If you start to do those jobs for them, they will just let you. Don’t give in!

I truly believe that a man just isn’t wired to notice the small things. Men are big thinkers; they like to see the big pictures. They don’t notice when the garbage can is full and they don’t notice when the water cooler needs more water (though I wish they did).  I am not sure why they are wired differently but I honestly don’t believe it’s malicious. What I do know is, is that I will not be helping with the very few jobs that my husband is responsible for. It’s a short list but here it is.

Jobs My Husband Does

1. Take out the Garbage to the can, and then on garbage days to the street. (if I am lucky the can returns back to the house after!)
2. Carry heavy things (i.e. water bottles and luggage) I certainly was not built for heavy lifting. I am a wuss, so it’s his job to carry.
3. Mowing the lawn: Although I do not have to worry about this at this point in my life I am a true believer that the man mows the lawn. I don’t care how high that grass gets I will not do it.

Huh, now that I see this list it is ridiculously short, but I only listed jobs that I refuse to do. I must give my husband credit, he does take care of anything electronic and deals with all customer service people on the phone (I tend to start yelling at these poor people rather quickly).

He supports me in other ways, but household chores??? He leaves those jobs to me. Maybe someday I’ll come home and find him vacuuming on his own, but I won’t hold my breath.

So what jobs do you consider to be “man jobs”. Who does what around the house? In a world where men and woman both work outside the home more often than not, how do you split things up?