I remember the first time I told my parents that I’d been asked out on a date. I remember them looking at each other, clearing their throats and sitting me down for “the talk.” Funnily enough, I remember less about the actual conversation than I do their obvious discomfort. (Well to be honest, I think my mother handled it a bit better than my father.)

Now I’m an adult, and my parents rely on me; they turn to me to discuss both financial and personal issues as they come up. They have come to count on me. And it’s occurred to me that there’s another “talk” to be had by us all; that of what they would wish for in their old age. It’s not an easy talk to have on either side. I have a hard time admitting that my parents are getting older, and sometimes I think they have a hard time admitting it themselves.

How to Approach The Long Term Care Talk With Parents

Here are a few thoughts on how to approach “the talk” about ageing and long-term care.

Be able to listen

Do you really know what challenges, daily and otherwise that your parents face? Don’t assume that you do, nor should you assume that you really know the state of their health. Be open to their wishes. Ask them what kind of future they envision.  If you come informed of options available, then you can start a discussion about needs, problems and what your parents hope for. This is about making their lives easier and more secure.

Make a Plan

Simple things can become insurmountable tasks in difficult times. Something as basic as compiling a list of people to contact in an emergency can become a stressful experience. This can easily be avoided by making a list of all emergency contacts, both family and professional and including doctors, lawyers and service-providers. Genworth recommends creating a phone-tree and sharing it with all involved before you need to use it.

 The Legal System

Are your parents up to date with all relevant legal documents? Those include a current will, a durable power of attorney (to enable someone to make financial and legal decisions on their behalf), a living will (with clear wishes for end-of-life care), and a power of attorney for health care (specifically toward medical decisions). Seek out trusted legal advice and make sure that it is appropriately administered when the time comes.

Home Sweet Home

Most of us would rather receive care in the comfort of our own homes, but sometimes adjustments need to be made. Are there any improvements that can be made to make living at home easier? Small things like rails in bathrooms, ramps and lifts might do a great deal to ease anxiety. Personal Care Assistants or Companions can aid with household care like cleaning and cooking, as well as provide a conduit to the outside world by running errands. Home Health Aides and nurses can provide more skilled support.

If in-home care isn’t viable, then what are the other possibilities? You’ll find that there are a great many options these days, from assisted living facilities to adult day health care center that provide daytime social and therapeutic activities. Some people prefer to live independently with on-site support for daily activities in an assisted living facility.  If skilled and intense care is needed, then a Nursing Home is the best option for skilled supervision, medication administration, therapies, and rehabilitation.

The High Cost of Care

Long-term care doesn’t have to be a debilitating burden to both you and your parents. There are many options for long-term care insurance. Know what policies are available and best for you and your family early on, as the cost of insurance is determined by location, facility, health status, and age of the policyholder. The cost of care today is rising beyond the rate of inflation. So is the cost of long-term care insurance. But a little communication and planning goes a long way towards creating security and peace of mind.

The Circus as a Kid

I haven’t been to the circus in years! We used to go to a smaller circus when I was younger. It was great, but I had always wanted to go to this much larger circus. For some reason the name alone brings excitement. I was a little nervous that I would find it silly, and that what I thought to be a great event would just be for children. I was also worried that I would be disappointed. But let me tell you that just wasn’t the case! It had all the elements of a great show! Music, large animals and death defying stunts!

Our Circus Experience

The show was at Madison Square Garden in New York City. Upon entering, we encountered many disgruntled employees yelling at the crowd. Personally, I didn’t think it was at all in the spirit of the circus. I mean it’s for children for goodness sake! But I guess that’s Manhattan for ya! One major difference between this venue and ones I have been to in the past was the vast size! Our seats were pretty high, and although everything was done to such a large scale that we could see everything, I remember loving being so up close at the smaller venues.

If you ask me what my favorite act was you may laugh. It was the dogs! I am not sure if it’s because I find dogs so lovable, but I found all their tricks endearing and entertaining! They were just too cute! I found the elephants to be great also. They are huge animals standing on little stools and jumping up on each other! Amazing!

One thing I found to be disappointing was the use of wires. It may all be in my head, and it might be from watching too many movies, but I recalled the acrobats flying across the sky to near death! Isn’t that why they call them “death defying” stunts??” These acrobats had on wires sometimes? I am not sure its very death defying when if you fall there is someone to catch you.

The Circus and Children

I don’t have children yet, but when I do I look forward to bringing them to events such as this. My parents brought us to many places and I want to do the same for my kids. But here’s the thing…how did they afford to do it?? The snow cones were $15 a piece! Mind you they came  in cute animal shaped containers, but still! If you have more than one kid, and they want other souvenirs then we are screwed! I mean even I was almost suckered into buying the glowy, spinny contraptions!

All in all it was a fun filled evening. I am glad that we went, and I would recommend it to other adults even if they don’t have children to bring. I can imagine though, that bringing children would make the event even more fun. Watching the circus through their eyes must be an experience! So what is your favorite circus act? If you are parents, please share what it’s like to spend a fortune at events such as this.

After all these years, I can attest, that the circus is still magical and the GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH!

Introduction to Adulthood

My mom and dad have always been there for me. Sometimes I think I lean on them more now than I did when I was young. Same goes for my husband. His parents are good people who do anything they can to take care of him. Now that we are married our parents work hard to do what they can for the both of us. But it seems we have both reached a point in our lives where we are forced to switch roles. We are now left to be the rock that holds our families together.

Family Health Problems

A couple of weeks ago we received news that my father in law was in need of a valve replacement. This requires open heart surgery. When you tell people this the first thing most people say is “a surgery such as this is routine nowadays. Everything will be fine”. And I know in my head this is true, but my brain then goes a step further to know the fact that any surgery can be dangerous. Well yesterday the surgery occurred. My husband and I signed on to be the family drivers. We drove both of my in-laws and my brother in law into Manhattan at 4:30 am. We knew ahead of time it would be a long day but we had no idea. (as a side note and a story for another time, my mother survived a brain aneurysm 3 years ago and I spend every day for 3 weeks in the ICU with her. I was prepared for some flashbacks and knew a bit of what to expect from major surgery)

Throughout the day I felt it was my job to keep conversation light in order to keep my mother in laws mind from focusing on what was going on (although I am sure I failed, since how could one not think too much). My husband is a rock, and I knew that my efforts would be wasted on him. I tell him he’s an emotional wasteland, but I know in this situation his heart is hurting for his dad.

After over 7 hours we received news that he made it through the surgery. It was wonderful news and we all were relieved. Recovery is a long road in any surgery, especially ones such as this. My heart aches because it is hard to see loved ones in so much pain. Now in the coming weeks my husband and I will have to play the caregiver role and not only help his father, but his mother who will both need emotional support. I am sure a lot of that task will be left to me since women are much better at taking care of emotional needs then men are. I am prepared for the task (I think).

Adult Ponderings

I am left to wonder, is this supposed to happen? I know there is a lot of sad things that people go through in their lives, at all ages, but I have to be honest, I never believed that I would be faced with such things in my late 20′s. I know that’s naive. I am aware that anything can happen to anyone at any time. I guess I just wished that it wouldn’t happen to me. Parents are supposed to be invincible aren’t they? Well, over the past couple of years I have learned firsthand that they are not. Now it is time for me to step up and repay them for the years they took care of me. Sometimes I believe the “tough love” approach will be necessary, but I am ready to do anything to make sure they are there to see their grandchildren grow up. It is time for me to be the grown up.