The other week a friend of mine asked me if I missed being pregnant. My first instinct was to answer NO, because I truly enjoy having my son in my life. But now that I have had a little time to reflect and think about it…I did truly enjoy being pregnant, and maybe sometimes I can admit that yes, I do miss it. I know that I’ve said this before, but I am still in awe that I am a mother. I can’t believe that my little man is 4 months old, and that my first pregnancy, first birth, and first few months are all behind me. It’s strange to know that I will never get that time back, and if I am lucky enough to have more children, none of those things will ever be the same.
Take pregnancy for instance. I was lucky enough to have a good pregnancy. Yes it was a long road to get there, but once I did I truly enjoyed it. I love attention, and not many people get more attention than pregnant women. Women even let me cut the line in bathrooms! Men always gave me their seats…who doesn’t love that?! With your first pregnancy you get to really focus on yourself. I ate what I wanted, slept when I wanted, and loved that The Captain was willing to do whatever I asked. The bottom line? It was all about me. But what happens with future children? It will never be like that again, because I will have my little guy to take care of. I doubt that he will be as willing to let me nap and sleep in when I want. It certainly won’t be all about me…because my life is now all about him!
How about the first birth? As scared as I was ignorance was bliss. I imagined the worst (and it kind of was), but I never really knew. But now I do. I have yet to reach that stage that women CLAIM they reach. The stage that they “forget” about all the pain. I’m still at the point where I am like…how could I choose to ever do that again?! Obviously I have to get there, because otherwise women would never have more children if they remembered what it was like to give birth. Plus, since the first delivery went rather well…I worry if I ever will be that lucky again!
I just can’t believe 4 months have passed already. So many firsts have come and gone. I have learned so much. They say motherhood is a lot about instinct and boy are they right. But I have a feeling nothing is going to be like my first. Right now I get to enjoy just him, and cater to just him. I will never get to do that again. He has all of my attention. I wake up, spend my day, and go to bed just for him. No child from now on will have that. I guess it’s the nature of the beast!
Whether I am doing right by Christian or not, I feel like I am meant to be a mom. I love it, and enjoy every second. I just sometimes sit back and think about how my first born is here…and that although so much is behind me..even more is ahead. It’s good to reflect sometimes about what as passed. Sometimes the whole pregnancy, birth and newborn stage is such a blur, but when I take a moment to think about it. I truly realize how blessed I am.