Comments on: Porn…The downfall of marriage??

By: Jen

Jen — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 18:15:34 +0000

Thank you for the well thought out comment. I”m sorry that porn took on a life of it’s own with both marriages. but like you said, it’s a fine line and I don’t think it can be ONLY to blame for the downfall of any marriage…

By: chica

chica — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 00:48:38 +0000

Porn used by a husband and wife to enhance their sex life is a personal issue. I’m not a prude and have found its occasional viewing (note, the operative word “occasional”) actually adds some excitement and naughtiness in the bedroom. But as a married couple, it should only be viewed as a tool.

Common sense has to step in and if it reaches a point where you say, “hey, he’s really imagining having sex with her”, and it usually does, then the porn will usually take on a life of its own. It is addictive and free of commitment.

Unlike masturbating and or even using sex toys, it involves an actual human being albeit “fake”, but an actual human being who does stuff and has real private parts… very different from a vibrator or even our own imaginations. Eventually these porn stars will forever reside under the sheets between you and your hubby.

Human nature will then creep in and the surface issues of damaged self-esteem, fear of addiction and obsession of its frequency, quantity and quality will eventually consume you. It is here that it will negatively impact communication and the trust and respect you hold for your partner. It’s just human nature.

The real issue is when it crosses that line. When it goes from being fun and entertaining to it being an act of selfish and uncaring behavior used only for the gratification of one partner at the expense of the other. One crosses marital boundaries, the other doesn’t.

Everyone wants to simplify porn as either you’re cool with it or you’re a prude. It is a very thin line, but still a line that gets easily crossed.

I am on my second marriage and in both cases, porn took on a life of its own, with the lines getting crossed frequently and always at the expense of me, the love and respect I held for my husband, and our marriage. So be careful if this is an area you choose to adventurous in.

By: bud

bud — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 06:55:15 +0000

porn is not the downfall of a marriage; poor communication is.

By: Amber Hurd

Amber Hurd — Thu, 20 May 2010 11:38:46 +0000

Also I want to add that porn is very addicting which is not healthy for anyone.

By: Amber Hurd

Amber Hurd — Thu, 20 May 2010 11:37:30 +0000

I don’t think Porn has a role in marriage or anyone’s life. I am a believer in Christ and as a believer I would not want to watch anything that exploits not only women but men as well and would want my money to go to better places like what Shelly is doing.
I love what Shelly is doing.
She has turned her life around and reaches out to others that are where she once was. She knows first hand how the industry can destroy people. The only reason people are in it for the most part is for the money not because they love their job. Even if they say they do, they usually are saving face because no human can love to be abused and used.

By: Cheryl from thatgirlisfunny

Cheryl from thatgirlisfunny — Thu, 20 May 2010 04:17:48 +0000

Wow! Well done with opening up a conversation on this topic. There’s no right answer. Everyone is so different. My new thing is making sure I feel comfortable exploring new things – not because I have to but because I want to push out my edges or extend my boundaries. The answer for me is it just depends on my mood.

By: Susan

Susan — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 01:18:23 +0000

Loved Lynn’s posts…I personally agree that porn has no place in marriage. How can you have mutual love and respect when he (or she) is lusting after someone else. I think that most women and men who make such movies are in a sad place. And if you are married, then you are married to the person you willing forsake all others for. Yes, human nature creeps in. But there is such thing as self-control. I suppose many men just allow themselves to be controlled by testosterone. It just seems so immature and selfish, but I know many men who have self-control because they love and respect their wives. I am a former model and still look good in and out of clothes, but that is not the point. My estranged husband and I had a great, hot sex life, but he still looked at porn (even though we talked about this before our marriage and both agreed that it would not be present). What woman wants to cuddle up with her husband on the couch knowing he just lusted after some 21 y/o on a porn site. How selfish. Because I was married, I never gave in with even a smile to the come-ons I experience from men. And because most of the men were married, it makes me sick when they look me up and down yet still proudly wore that wedding ring.

By: Queen Of Relationships

Queen Of Relationships — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 01:46:03 +0000

I think romance movies are somewhat different that porn movies. Women are already tackled by society to look perfect, be thin, to have purky boobs and to look flawless. Now, I don’t mind a little porn every now and again. I’m sure a small dose could spice up a relationship but with any addiction, you can only take so much. When your husband would rather watch a 20 year old, size 4 with purky breast than have sex or make love with you, it starts to damage who you are and your self-esteem. You start to wonder what’s wrong with you. You then proceed to take it personal because why on earth would he want to spend several hours watching porn when he could be with me? Porn leaves most women feeling unwanted, unloved and ashamed. Again, romance movies and porn are not even comparable. Now, if the dudes in the movies had their wang wangs hanging out through the entire movie, then that would be a different story. I’m sure most women would not mind if it was an occasional thing but I think we are talking about a full blown addiction. Imagine how any sort of addiction can affect a marriage. You would mind if your husband had a few drinks every now and again but when it starts to turn into a drink every day, it starts to get bothersome..the same with gambling, sex, drugs, religion, and any other addiciton you can imagine.

By: T.G.

T.G. — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 18:08:27 +0000

a lot of couples seem to be okay with it..let alone enjoy it.. i guess to each is own, and some people feel that so long as ur on the same page w/ur spouse that it’s okay – but as for us? dh & i keep it out of out bedroom, and out of our house. There are a TON of underlying issues besides just “being okay with it” – and if u do some research, the stats will probably shock u..not only about how it can gradually deteriorate ur marraige w/out u even realizing, but even just the sex industry in general…u may think i’m crazy lol – but i can’t look at anything in the sex industry without feeling horrible for the girls.. it is a very VERY dark world that’s masked by something that people find so alluring.. and it makes me sad. It’s just the way i feel..but it’s something i feel very strongly about. I’m not judging ANYONE that doesn’t find it a big deal – so please don’t take it that way – but it’s something that i think is a very real, very dangerous thing that slides into a lot of homes these days..it can start off as something so “once in a while” and before u know it…there’s problems..

Shelley Lubben speaks a LOT of truth when it comes to porn….and the best part?? SHE’S A FORMER PORN STAR!!

I posted her myspace page above..
it has a TON of info..and she shares an amazing story & has really interesting facts & such..she goes around the country & actually talks to men, women, etc… she even goes to the huge porn conventions every year & shares her story!
Anyway, her story is just something worth reading – she also has her website which is thepinkcross.org – but her myspace i find to have a TON of stuff..

anyways, jmo

By: Michelle

Michelle — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:50:47 +0000

I think obsessions with something can ruin a marriage. If a person watches porn, big deal. It’s when they start taking the obsession out of context and into their marriage that can ruin it or think that their obsession is the only thing in life that is right.