One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone reminds me that something I am doing with my daughter is something I would have NEVER done with my son. Like if I didn’t wash a toy right away or gave food that I waited to give my son. It drives me nuts! Captain Awesome thinks I am being oversensitive, but I honestly make a conscious effort to do for her what I did for him. It’s hard…Just by the nature of having another child at home, but I try. And when I am reminded of my failure I feel bad.
So many times during the week I find myself saying. “Poor number two”. With my son it was easy to plan my day around him. We did what he needed at all times. He napped till he was finished, he ate when he wanted, and played with age appropriate toys. My daughter? Gets woken up from naps, doesn’t always get a nap in the crib, eats when we have a break in activities and chooses to play with my sons toys which she shouldn’t. Poor number two….
The things that I do differently with her mostly comes from experience, and feeling more relaxed as a mom. These things include food, and maybe some toys which aren’t always cleaned first. Not to mention the 5 second rule that may extend to 10 seconds (or longer). I know she’s fine…I’m OK with that. What bothers me is when what she needs is disturbed by what my son needs. Who’s needs are more important? How does a mom decide? Like naps…people will say she will be an easier baby if she isn’t so scheduled. Yes she is easy, but I am a big believer in the nap. I think it’s important for a child to nap, and nap in a quiet place like their crib. But that isn’t always possible is it? Like when big brother wants to go to the beach? Should he have to sit home and miss out on fresh air and playing with friends? This time I voted no and Tessa napped in the Ergo at the beach. Sometimes her need gets put on hold for his. Then I feel bad…
When it comes to feeding times we work with what we have. Some days breakfast is rushed because we have to leave to bring big brother to school. I could wait…but then she would be starving and need a nap. Same thing goes with nursing. It has been a lot better now that she nurses less, and can go longer between feedings, but it was hard for a while. Most of the time she was the one who has to wait. I get frustrated sometimes when she loses focus nursing, but who can blame her? Sometimes she has to eat in the front seat of the car! Thank goodness for squeezy packs! She gets those on the go sometimes while we grocery shop or are at big brothers activities!
One thing that I count myself lucky is that because my son is a bit older I get to spend a lot of one on one time with number two. He is in school 3 mornings a week and that gives me mornings with my girl. She gets a good nap, and we also get some one on one play time or errand times. Some of my best memories with my son as a baby is our errands. I loved having him as a buddy while grocery shopping or clothes shopping and now I get to do it with her. We get to play a lot, and I am thankful for that.
I really do my best to make her schedule work with his. Many days I succeed…some days I don’t….but I try. Yes she goes to many more places that her big brother didn’t have to go to. She may have to sit in waiting rooms of OT, PT and sport classes, and is a welcome guest at play dates, but she is happy. She is a good girl and I hope one day I can look back and feel like I gave to her what I did for him.
It’s the nature of childhood to treat each child a little differently. How can you not? You change as a person and a mom, you gain experience, and the biggest of all, you have other kids to think about…but I still feel bad. I’m just hoping she won’t notice, and all will be OK.