pregnancy and marriage

I don’t think people realize how both trying to get pregnant, and actually being pregnant can be hard on your marriage. Most men probably think the “trying to get pregnant” part is the best thing in the world, but I think that only works for those men and women who have an easier time getting pregnant. Those that struggle even a little bit will find that it all soon becomes a chore. Then, you finally get pregnant and a whole new set of issues sink in. As a pregnant woman, how do you focus on your marriage when all you can think about is yourself, and in my case my other child? In the totem pole of priorities marriage seems to fall….and that’s sad.

When I first get married I did my best to be the best housewife I could be. I am not claiming to be great at it, but my main focus was my husband and our home. We did what we wanted, when we wanted and everything was just about us. Then we had our son. Once that happens you find that you need to make more of an effort to keep the marriage on track. It’s harder to find time for each other, and the “romance” doesn’t always come as naturally as it used to. When people tell you marriage is work they mean it….you have to work at it. So we did….we worked at it.

Now, I am pregnant again after a very stressful “trying to get pregnant” period. This time I felt like crap for the first trimester and even into the second. I have my son who drains me of all my energy daily, and at the end of the day all I want to do is sit on the couch and veg…I feel exhausted. That leaves very little time for The Captain and myself to “connect”. Ok you dirty minds out there…when I say “connect” I don’t just mean physically I also mean emotionally. We both sit and open our respective computers and stare. When the weekends come I feel less excited about a “date night” because I am so tired and what is date night with out wine? (Ok…so that makes me sound like an alcoholic but it’s true!)

I find that I get a lot more selfish when I am pregnant. At least I can admit it. I ask for more help then I did when I wasn’t pregnant. I don’t cook as much because I don’t feel like it. Any part of me that is left to give goes to my son. I would say that is about 90% of myself. So that doesn’t leave much for anyone else, and I feel bad. Captain Awesome gets the short end of the stick on this one and I feel bad. But I have a feeling it only gets worse when number 2 arrives.

So what does one do? What do you do to keep your marriage strong while there are so many other distractions. It’s a challenge I am facing and am hoping that while I am in the golden period of this pregnancy aka the second trimester that I can remedy it.