I wrote this post last week. The week before my first appointment. It’s been a VERY long couple of weeks waiting, and I just wanted to write down some of my thoughts.

Sometimes in life I wish there was a fast forward button we could hit just to move things along a little quicker. Or maybe a preview or info button that would allow us to see a glimpse into our future. Unfortunately, that does not exist, and I am stuck waiting for my first appointment for another few days. I do my best to try not to wish this time away, because people try to remind me to enjoy every second of pregnancy, but I have to admit that right now it’s difficult. I feel so scared and on edge, and with out my nightly glass of red wine to calm things down I am left with my head spinning. I can’t help it! It’s in my genes. I totally blame my mom and grandma for that! But I won’t lie to you my dear readers. Nope not me. I will openly admit that I wish it was already June, and I was already over 12 weeks along. Maybe then I can breath a little freer?

Like everything else in life, when you are waiting for something to happen time moves so slowly. I try to keep myself busy, but during the day I find it almost impossible to focus on work. I’m lucky to have a great boss and dad who has allowed me to slack a bit, because I don’t know how people who go to an office every day do it? How do you focus? I am sure it would be better if I worked hard and kept my mind off things, but I just can’t.

The reason for the fast forward is that most of this supposed enjoyable time is wasted on me. This time around I haven’t opened one baby book, and I haven’t signed up on any online sites such as baby center because to be honest I am just scared to. After our loss last summer I threw the baby books into my closet not to be seen, and I continued to get e mails from baby center and other sites telling me how far along I was when I wasn’t. I had a heck of a time figuring out how to turn that stuff off! And I couldn’t risk that happening again. It’s like reading a baby book will open up my heart and I am not positive it’s ready to be opened yet. This time around we have been pretty hush hush about the pregnancy. We don’t really talk about it. As much as I want to acknowledge it, it is difficult knowing the horror that could happen when we go to our first appointment on Monday.

So really my life lays in wait for that first appointment. I am resting which is good for me and the baby and continuing my acupuncture appointments. Don’t get me wrong, I am truly excited and happy. They say that 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, but what they should say is 80% go to full term. That’s a better number if you ask me. So I will focus on that better looking 80%, and hope that Monday brings me good news. So if anyone out there knows where the fast forward button is I would appreciate it. Maybe send me to somewhere in June? That should just about do it!

While reviewing this post to go up during my pregnancy update week I stumbled upon a post from a favorite blog of mine called Two of a Kind Working On a Full House which really made me stop and think about this post, and made me cry as well because it’s so true. It goes along the lines of my post from last week titled Happiness is a Journey Not a Destination and again it is a reminder that I just need to enjoy where I am at now. In her post she shares these lyrics, and video and it’s just perfect….

You’re Gonna Miss This -Trace Adkins

She was starin’ out the window of that suv
Complainin’ saying i cant wait to turn 18
I’ll make my own money and I’ll make my own rules
mama put the car in park out there in front of the school
and she kissed her head and said i was just like you

your gonna miss this
your gonna want this back
your gonna wish these days
hadn’t gone by so fast

these are some good times
so take a good look around
you may not know it now
but your gonna miss this

before she knows it shes a brand new bride
in her one bedroom apartment and her daddy stops by
he tells her its a nice place, she says itll do for now
starts talkin bout babies and buyin a house
daddy shakes his head and says, baby slow down

cause your gonna miss this
your gonna want this back
your gonna wish these days
hadnt gone by so fast

these are some good times
so take a good look around
you may not know it now
but your gonna miss this

five years later theres a plumber workin on the water heater, dogs barkin, phones ringin, one kids crying
ones screamin and she keeps apoligizin
he says they dont bother me ive got 2 babies of my own
ones 36, ones 23, huh its hard to beleive

but your gonna miss this
your gonna want this back
your gonna wish these days
hadn’t gone by so fast

these are some good times
so take a good look around
you may not know it now
but your gonna miss this

your gonna miss this
oh yeah, your gonna miss this

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIBediEAcUQ[/youtube]