sword

In our household I am responsible for most things baby. If you think of the stereotypical husband and wife roles, you can think of us. I run the family and home, and he runs the finances. That means that I am in charge of anticipating my son’s needs, and that my friends keeps my brain on overdrive 24/7. As much as I love the job, sometimes I just want to go out and turn my mind to the OFF position. The problem is that I know that’s no longer possible. Now, and for the foreseeable future I get to live with the double edged sword. Wanting to relax and let loose, but always keeping my family in mind when I finally do.

The other day my friend and I were joking how nice it would be to be our husbands, and how easily they can flip the responsibility “switch” and go out and relax (or so it seems). We on the other hand constantly worry about everything under the sun, and no matter how much we may try, we never truly allow ourselves to relax.

Take wine club for instance. That is my “girls night out” once a month. Even though I am enjoying my time with the girls, in the back of my head I always think about my son at home….Is he having trouble sleeping? Then, once I remind myself that he is perfectly fine, I start to think about how early he will be up in the morning, and how crappy I will feel ALL DAY if I drink too much.

Thus far The Captain and I haven’t slept away from our son. He has been away, but I haven’t been able to, or want to. Since I have been breastfeeding I knew it would be physically hard, but more importantly I haven’t WANTED to leave him. I think I would always think about him at home, and to be honest I think it would ruin my time away. There is that double edged sword again! Wanting to get away, but knowing that once I got there I’d always be thinking about home!

Most of the family men I know are able to pick up and go with out much regret. The moms I know on the other hand have their kids tied to both their hips and their heart…therefore making it much more difficult to get out and let loose. Is it just the nature of motherhood? Or maybe it’s just me, and I just truly enjoy playing house at home with my son? Either way, I have a feeling that this w