For about 5 months I was the sole provider of nutrition for my son. For over a year I held my son close to me so he could nurse at least once a day. It’s a bond between my son and I that no other person can duplicate. Breastfeeding has been an experience like none other. It certainly has had it’s ups and downs, but overall I am happy to be able to look on the experience as one that has brought me great joy. Now, after a year I am finished. We have reached the end of the road and I find it to be extremely bittersweet. I never imagined that I would feel this way at the end, but I do.
When I started breastfeeding I made a mental countdown of when I would be finished. I wanted to make that clear because I never believed that I would make it as far as I did, and before I knew it I began to love the experience more and more. It stopped being a chore and became more of a pleasure. I can remember this happening at or around the 6 month mark. Don’t get me wrong, it’s never easy, but I no longer felt like a milk machine, and I realized how lucky I was that I actually got to succeed at breastfeeding.
I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a breastfeeding advocate, but I will tell you that I truly believe it is the most selfless and best thing you can do for your child. It’s HARD, and a big pain in the ass sometimes, but the benefits far outweigh the negatives. From the moment you find out your pregnant, your body isn’t yours, and the same thing applies when breastfeeding. But looking back I realize it is a sacrifice I am happy I made.
Now that it’s over I am sad. I will admit that I cried about it to Captain Awesome. I thought I would breath a sigh of relief but that’s not the case. I cried when I rocked my son before bed and didn’t allow him to nurse. To be honest, it seems that he took it extremely well. I definitely have been taking it harder. It’s hard to verbalize my feelings. I just can’t believe I did it. I just can’t believe it’s over.
I hope and pray that my next experience with breastfeeding is as good as this one. It will certainly be different. This time around I got to sit and enjoy those quiet moments with my son. I can imagine that Christian will make those moments less quiet when I nurse his brother or sister. But I look forward to being able to look back on my blog to see my experience and know that I CAN do it.
For those of you out there who want to try I urge you to do so. As long as you accept that it will be hard from the start it will be easier to succeed. I will never push my beliefs on you, but if you want to talk about it I would love to hear your story. If you want to read about mine you can read all my Breastfeeding stories here.