big brotherI want to apologize in advance for being so MIA and keeping this all a secret. I am horrible with secrets and wanted to share everything, but I was terrified. I wanted to take you along with me every step of the way, (I promise to share all my thoughts that I wrote down during the past few weeks), but talking about it made everything so real, and I/we weren’t sure our hearts could handle it all if things went wrong. But the good news is that so far they haven’t. They haven’t gone wrong. They have all gone so right, and we are excited to announce that our little family of 3 will becoming a family of 4 in September 2014.

baby sono

That’s right! We are having a baby! After another loss last year, and close to a year of trying to get pregnant, and visits and testing with Long Island IVF we amazingly got pregnant on our own. With just weeks away from starting fertility treatments I finally saw the + on the pee stick. I can’t even describe the mixed emotions that I have been feeling. Don’t get me wrong…I am overjoyed and couldn’t be happier that we are finally going to have our dream second child, but with the + on the stick also came the horrible realization that all my happiness and dreams could be shattered in one horrible doctors appointment. More on that later, for now I will stick with only positive.

We are currently 12 weeks pregnant! We made it to an amazing milestone. One where I feel like I can finally share the amazing news. This appointment allowed me to let go of a lot of my fears, and I finally am ready to fully open my heart to the little baby quickly growing inside my belly. It is such a relief, you have no idea.

We told the little man right after our appointment. He is super excited and at first decided he only wanted twins. One boy…and one girl. It was so fun to tell him. After a while he decided he only wants one, but switches from wanting to be a boy, and a girl. Right now if it’s a boy he wants to name him hop hop. And a girl? Girl Girl….so I will be sure to add both names to our list.

So there is our news! We are having a baby! I have so much  more to share with you, so I hope you don’t mind reading about my thoughts from weeks ago. We are on this journey again, and after almost 4 years it all seems new to me again. This time I am even feeling pretty crappy, but I will take it all as long as this little miracle comes to us healthy and strong.